Russian Adoption: A Happy Story

Mr. and Mrs. Beaver:

Eight years ago, we adopted three biological siblings from Russia. Tonight we celebrated the middle sister's 13th birthday.

Here is Natasha at 4-1/2 years old on the day we met her in her orphanage director's office...

 ...and here she is today:

Natasha--now 13 years old

On this day that marks Natasha's birth, we also celebrate God's goodness in this former orphan's life. You may have heard stories of Russian adoptions gone wrong. What has happened in a very small number of these adoptions has gained wide media attention. Negative stories do that. However, the terribly sad stories of American adoptive parents wrongly mistreating their children wildly misrepresent the love and encouragement nearly all the families who have adopted Russian children seek to lavish on the kiddos they treasure. These adopted children's lives now tell tales of what the love of a family and the stability of a home can do for an orphan.

When we adopted Natasha, she was five-years-old and weighed a mere 26 pounds. Three months after becoming our daughter, she was diagnosed by a pediatric endocrinologist with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) as a result of the intoxication of her mother during pregnancy. Her mother's drinking was the reason Natasha had been taken from her mother in the first place. Thankfully, the Russian government valued this little one enough to let Americans give her a fresh start through adoption. (This was after a thorough search to see if any Russians were interested in adding the four-year-old to their households. Russians had the first priority to adopt her.)

On the day we learned that Natasha has FAS, we were told that all children diagnosed with the syndrome will demonstrate mild to moderate retardation. Natasha's mental development has defied the prognosis. She reads at a collegiate level and reads voraciously. This serves her well because she has an unquenchable curiosity. Natasha is self-taught and well-versed in the areas of: horses, dogs, insects, horticulture, cooking, interior design and the functioning of the U.S. government. Natasha has a strong interest in relearning Russian (Small children adopted into another culture can't hang on to their original language unless they're in a bilingual environment.) Her 17-year-old sister Daria, adopted from Russia in 2010, is tutoring her. Natasha enjoys writing, working on political campaigns, baking and craft projects. In the fall of 2010 she was a finalist in the National Bible Bee after memorizing hundreds of verses. This qualified her to compete in the nationals in Chicago.

As a parent, these accomplishments can't help but bring a smile as we reflect on the teeny-tiny child who joined our family in April 2005 speaking only Russian. However, the state of her heart is much more important to us than any intellectual feats. Did you notice the shirt Natasha is wearing in the photo making her birthday? Natasha has a heart for orphans. This tenderness for children who need a family like she once did was even demonstrated in how the 13-year-old wanted to celebrate her birthday. Her request for her birthday gift was that we would forego buying her anything. Instead, she asked if the family could use the money we would normally spend on a present to host a fundraiser for families who are adopting.

Natasha has one other birthday wish. She longs for the four siblings whose adoption we had almost completed to be given the same chance she's had to join a family in America. She longs for the three brothers and their sister to become her brothers and sister. We continue to pray with her that her dream will come true. Please, Russia, reopen the door...

Sorrow Punctuated with Joy

Mrs. Beaver:

Anna, Aaron and 8-month-old Brielle--February 2013

We finished 2012 with the heart-rending news that our nearly complete effort to adopt four Russian siblings had been brought to a screeching halt by a ban imposed on American adoptive families by that country's legislature. Then our 2013 began with the sudden and utterly unexpected loss of our beloved Aunt Jean. However, as we've walked through the valley of the shadow (Psalm 23), God has kindly intermingled the hard times with gifts of joy.

We've announced one already--Lissie's engagement. Now it's time to share the news of another gift from the Giver of All Good Gifts. Aaron and Anna are expecting their second child! The baby is due in late August. Both baby and mother are doing well. Little Brielle will become a big sister at 14-months. We thank God for His goodness in blessing us with another grandchild!

Today was Hard

Mrs. Beaver:

My mother-in-law, Jane, on Thursday
Our family stands in awe of all we watched the Lord do in her during her stay with us

Today Grandma moved to Kansas. After the death in January of the sister with whom she'd lived for the past 20 years, it was impossible for Jane to go on living in the home the two of them had shared. The upkeep would have been way beyond her capacity, and the creep of Alzheimer's presented challenges too great for solitary living.

When asked by her sons what living arrangement she favored, Jane had two simple requests: a place of her own and her dog. So after pledging their willingness to support her in those desires, Mr. Beaver's brother and his family have worked hard for the past few weeks to prepare a small apartment for Grandma. They painted and decorated. They turned her unit into a home with the careful placement of many of my mother-in-law's own belongings. My sister-in-law, who does beautiful woodwork, even built Jane a bookshelf. They worked with the staff of the assisted-living facility to make sure Grandma's medical needs will be met. My mother-in-law will be in very good hands in Kansas. In addition to her son and daughter-in-law's dedication to her, four of her grown grandchildren live in the area and are committed to showering her with love.

Despite leaving Jane in such good hands, today was hard. The good-byes were hard. Watching sadness and fear slip into my mother-in-law's countenance as she faced the ambiguity of the day was hard. Change is hard on all of us, but especially so on a widow in her eighties. Tonight is her first night alone in two decades. Everything is new and unfamiliar. I wish I could hold her, hug her, remind her how much the Lord cares for her. But I prayed a lot before the extended family arrived at this arrangement, and now I must trust the Lord to care for this vulnerable old woman whom I love so much.

Lord, I ask You to comfort Grandma. Give her peace and strength. Grant her your grace. I ask you to fend off fear on her behalf. Please give her clarity of mind. Help her to remember how much she was looking forward to having a new home. When Jane is afraid, help her to get out her Bible and review verses she has highlighted which comfort her. Her memory and will are weak now, Lord. I know after our weeks together that she will only do this if You do the impossible in her. So I ask the God-who-does-the-impossible for a miracle. Thank you, Lord, for my mother-in-law. Thank you for my children's grandmother. Thank you for this short-but-precious season of living under the same roof. Although there were moments when I didn't know how we'd carry on, Your faithfulness saw us through every difficult time. You helped Grandma heal and adapt. You grew her faith. You gave all of us so many sweet times filled with laughter and love. Thank You for calling us to minister to my mother-in-law. The blessings to our family were myriad.

Thank you also, Lord, for teaching me more about how far I am from consistently being able to live a foot-washing kind of love. Thank You for your long-suffering love for me as I selfishly bumble my way through life. Lord, while its hard to have to acknowledge the self-focus that I see more clearly now than I did a couple of months ago, You have also given me the gift of being more in awe of Jesus' willingness to bow down and wash His disciples' feet. May I serve more like Him following Jane's time living in our home. Please mold me into Your son's image.

Jane today with the son and daughter-in-law who will now care for her,
as well as nine of our children (Daria is visiting Anna)

Our Afternoon: For Anna and Lissie

Mrs. Beaver:

I'm so glad, Anna and Lissie, that you mentioned when you were home for the holidays that you looked to this blog to see photos of your siblings. Knowing that, I purposed to take some yesterday as we were putting groceries away and starting to prepare dinner. All this is just everyday stuff, but I know at times you miss the chaos inherent to our large family.

As we were all gathering in the kitchen, Jaynie gave Grandma a framed copy of that favorite photo of Grandpa Charlie in his flying suit when he was in the Air Force. Jaynie wanted to make sure Grandma would be able to have that important memento of their marriage in her new apartment  Needless to say Grandma was so pleased.

Surprisingly, Grandma didn't cry. She just beamed, hugged the photograph and whispered, "I love you. I've always loved you. I will always love you." Then she took her prize up to her room to place in her suitcase.

While Grandma went upstairs, we got more and more silly!

When the groceries we're put away, I allowed your sisters and brothers to indulge in John's newest product from Blue Bunny: premium ice cream sandwiches.

 I didn't manage to get photos of all your siblings, but I'll keep working at it! We sure miss you two!

Eagles and Turkeys

Mrs. Beaver:

Red Square, Moscow, on our court trip during our last adoption--October 2010

Last night during our family Bible time, we did an unusual thing and listened to a sermon. The message resonated with our crowd, and we had a great heart felt discussion afterwards. On the chance that you might also be blessed, here's a link: "Eagles and Turkeys." Dr. Jim Berg is the speaker. He is the author of a book that has been transformational for both Mr. Beaver and me called Changed into His Image.

The sermon could also be found by visiting SermonAudio.com. Under "Sermons by Speaker" find the listing for Jim Berg. Then look for "Eagles and Turkeys" which he preached on 9/8/11.

However you get to this message, the effort you invest will rewarded with what Mr. Beaver and believe can be life-impacting words.

When God opens the door for us to be able to adopt our sibling group of four who await us in Russia, the two of us want to be able to look back and see that we've drawn closer to the Lord during this wait. As odd as it sounds, I believe a message called "Eagles and Turkeys" is going to help. May you be blessed in your listening to it!

Pre-Marriage Thoughts for Lissie

Mrs. Beaver:

Following the news that Eric and Lissie are engaged, I thought I'd share some photos of them taken when they shared two weeks together at our home in early January. I'm going to alternate the photos with some quotes regarding the role of the wife in making the marriage a lifetime success--and, hence, a glory to God. These are ways in which I pray Lissie will bless Eric throughout their years together. (The quotes are by Kim Brenneman from her book Large Family Logistics.)

"The heart of her husband trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain." (Proverbs 31:11)

"In Hebrew, "no lack of gain" literally translates to "prey, plunder, and spoil." The Excellent Wife is prudent and careful in the management of the home and its expenses. She increases her husband's prosperity. She is so proficient that her husband is at peace and able to focus on his own workload. A wise woman takes care of those things in her charge which not only glorifies her heavenly Father, but blesses her husband." (pg. 24)

"She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:12)

"Jesus'went about doing good' (Acts 10:38). With Jesus as our example, a wife should try to understand her husband so that she can learn how to do him good. She should study him and learn his likes, dislikes, gifts, faults, so that she can understand how to be an effective complement to him." (pg. 25)

Lissie, I echo what Kim Brenneman has to say to her readers:

"Hear your husband's dreams and help him to reach his goals. Listen to his suggestions, and be attentive to his needs when planning your day and organizing your long-term domestic goals, whether you are shopping, taking care of your children, or pursuing a remodeling project. Make sure your priorities reflect his." (pg. 25)

 "Our men work so hard for us. They are sweating and striving against thorns and thistles. We should seek to be a jewel and a crown for our husband and to make our home a castle and fill it with comfort for him." (pg. 25)

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones." 

(Proverbs 12:4)

"Becoming a crown to our husband in not something that comes automatically. It takes diligent focus and effort...That is a strange concept in our culture which equates love with romance and lust. Biblically speaking, love is a choice and commitment. It is seeing your husband as God sees him and loving him as God loves you. It is a deeper and richer love than worldly love. I would encourage you to learn more of God's love and how we are to love, as He does." (pg.25)

Lissie, my beloved daughter, most of these quotes imply denying self, putting your own priorities to the side and working at making the relationship a happy one. With nearly 30 years of experience as a wife, I would tell you "Follow these words of wisdom and you'll have something even better than happiness--you'll have joy as you walk the path of life together."
With love, Mumsie

Grandma and Her Boys

Mrs. Beaver:

Since my mother-in-law's sister, roommate and best friend passed away in mid January, Grandma, who is 82, has been living with us. The situation is temporary because she'll soon move to Kansas to live in a small apartment of her own near one of her other sons and his family.

Our entire family will miss Grandma very much when she leaves. Each of us has a unique and blessed relationship with her. As a result, I've been trying to be intentional in capturing some pictures of our special season with her. Late last week I had the chance to capture a few photos of Mr. Beaver and his mom, as well as one with Grandma's grandsons.

I love my mother-in-law dearly. Always have. Always will. She is a gift from the Lord in my life--and the lives of my children and granddaughter. From the day I first heard her life story, I've admired Jane. She was widowed after just twelve years of marriage. She went on to raise her three sons, who were 10, 9 and 7, at the time, on her own. She's now the grandmother of 18 grandchildren and one great-grandchild. Here's a link to a story of courage and love.

Even 6,300 Miles Couldn't Stop This!

In Central Asia

In the Boston area  

Eric and Lissie entered their courtship to try to determine if it was the Lord's will for the two of them to marry. After hundreds of hours of communication, Eric had his conclusion. He secured the permission of Lissie's dad and popped the question via a Skype call early this week. She didn't even breath before responding, "YES!!!"

Lissie will return to the America in early summer. It looks like our two families will celebrate their wedding this fall. 

It Takes Love to Make a Family

Grandma listening to Oksana last night as she excitedly
 talked about leaving for her Bible memory program

"Love is extravagant in the price it is willing to pay, the time it is willing to give, the hardships it is willing to endure, and the strength it is willing to spend." Joni Eareckson Tada

John and Grandma just before he took her out on a "date"