Day 3 as a Family (11/18/10) - (Part 1)

Mr. Beaver:

Flashback! This post goes back to our time in Russia. Already the memories of our time together there have begun to fade, so we're going to try to capture the rest of our days in Moscow together while we still can.

Our third day as a family in Moscow was just as full as the rest. The 'events' of the day really fell into two camps: (1) the growth of relationships and knowledge of our new children, and (2) the day's activities. Obviously, the former was the real focus; the latter was merely a vehicle for the relationship building. Part 1 of the retelling of our wonderful "Red Square Day" will primarily recount the relationship progress we saw.

We started to get to know each other more fully, building new family relationships which is both fun and faith-stretching. It is a truly wondrous experience to uncover those special character traits that make each of our new children who they are. And we have to keep reminding ourselves that they are also uncovering our character traits at the same time. We pray that they would see Christ in us as they get to know us better. Anything else would dishonor our Lord and obstruct their view of His glory. Please join us in praying that our 'natural' selves would be mostly subdued under the dominion of grace throughout this process.

This day, as we toured her country's most famous sights, we saw in 15-year-old Daria twinges of sadness as she began to really grasp the imminent change she would face leaving the country of her birth.

St. Basil's Cathedral at one end of Red Square

The Resurrection Gates at the other end of Red Square

Daria had started to realize the magnitude of leaving behind her country and culture. However, while we saw moments of sadness, we also were privileged to witness her joy at the prospect of having the family she had never had before. We've probably mentioned it before, but Daria was an only child before joining our family. She'd never had a even a single sibling. What a change--sisters who desperately want to be your friends, and brothers, growing into men, who feel a desire to be your friend and help your dad in protecting you!

We were especially graified to see the blossoming of Daria's friendships with Tessa and Lissie because the three of them were due to be roommates when we reached American soil in just a few days.

Daria and Tessa

Lissie and Daria

This day we also started to see Daria's strong sense of humor emerge across the language barrier.

In this photo, Daria had instructed Tessa to pretend they were Russian fashion models. She and her sisters had caught a bit of a fashion show on the TV in their flat the night before and had apparently erupted into the giggles over how the women strutted down the runway with such severe countenances.

Here Tessa failed in her effort to imitate a smile-less Russian fashion diva given her new sister's antics.

This day we also experienced the disappointment you might expect when we had to say 'no' for the first time to one of Daria's requests (more about this later). Nevertheless, it was a blessed day of getting to know our new 15-year-old daughter. We thank God for Daria and for the opportunity to live the gospel before her. Please pray that we would honor our Lord in all our interactions with her.

Alexander continued to emerge as the 'funny-man' and family entertainer. He is very, very smart and has an infectious grin with a sense of humor that transcends the language barrier. He has a magnetic personality and is a real hit with both brothers and sisters alike. Like all of us, he also has character traits of the 'natural' man that will need training, as he has a tendency to be quite certain of himself, even when wrong. All-in-all we're so blessed to have Alexander as our new son.

Oksana remained very much a Daddy's-girl through the family's first couple of days together. Our relationship had a head start due to our extra time together before the rest of the family arrived.

On this third day we started trying to wean Oksana from complete dependence on me. We hoped that she would begin to build relationships with the rest of the family. We encouraged her to let others show her physical affection. Thankfully, she was quite open to our desire for her to spend time with other family members.

Oksana and Lissie

Speedy and Oksana

Princess Bink and Oksana

Oksana needed and will continue to need lots of hugs and attention, which is understandable given her background, but she has been generally cooperative with whatever we ask of her. And she has been a real trooper! I think we must have walked about 25 miles with her in Moscow, and she never once complained about it! She has already demonstrated that she is bright, and, with the healing of the Great Physician that we have witnessed repeatedly in our previous adoptions, we expect she will be able to catch up on any developmental deficiencies that have resulted from the severe neglect she experienced early in her life.

As we said, this first post about Day 3 as a family focuses primarily on our interactions with each other. Part 2 will focus more on the amazing sights we were blessed to see.

Bobbypins Were Just the Beginning

From Mrs. Beaver:

Every once in a while there is a tell-tale sign that a great many females live in our home. We got one of those today.

Our dryer had been taking WAY too long to keep up with the laundry around here so I gave in and called a repair man.

I wasn't surprised that he found mounds of lint clogging the system. However, as you can see in the photo, he also found enough bobby pins for the up-dos for an large wedding party! I think this revelation probably left Joe and Speedy that much more thankful that we also just added one more boy to the mix with this adoption! For a long time on Sunday mornings, they have voiced their concern that their lives will be shortened as a result of all the hair spray they're forced to inhale living with so many females (and that was before we just added two more!)

While the repair man was revealing why our dryer was ailing, I heard the kind of squeal from the kitchen that sends a mother running.

As a flood of water began to make it's way under the appliances, Princess Bink said plaintively, "I just wanted to mop the floor for you, but I knocked the bucket over."

I quickly assured Princess Bink that it was okay, and then I began requesting that kids run to get beach towels. However, there was a problem. The only two children nearby were Daria and Alexander. Not only did they not have the slightest idea what I wanted because of the little English they know, they don't know me well enough yet to recognize my "This is URGENT!" voice.

Daria who had begun creating Russian culinary masterpieces for dinner even before we had lunch cleaned up, just went on with her efforts without even noticing that Noah should be called in.

I raised the volume a bit and several of my English-speaking children came running with beach towels. Since they speak more Russian than I do, they were able to explain to their new siblings the need for help and soon everyone was swabbing the deck.

Meanwhile, the dryer repair man was now standing in the kitchen watching all this go on while waiting for payment and my signature on numerous documents. After all the loud chaos he experienced, I'm certain that at this very moment he's at home relishing the the peace and quiet there.

Now you might think this would be enough adventure for one afternoon, but...NO! Soon after this, Tatiana walked around the corner, and our seven-month-old puppy, Sunshine, was standing in CENTER of our exceptionally large dining room table licking the as-yet uncleaned crumbs from lunch. Now I have no photo of this event because Sunshine clearly knew she was doing wrong and exited the table in record time.

Now, I like dogs, but I also love a clean house. Thus, I have to echo Lucy in Charles Schultz's cartoons, "Argh--DOG GERMS!!!"

We're, of course, left with a puzzle. If Sunshine has figured out how to scale the table once, she'll surely do it again. How on earth do we stop her?

Again, you might think this was enough for one day, but Sunshine had one more memory to add to November 30, and that was a deposit in MY closet.

Whether we add children or pets to the family, our children have a saying they feel strongly about, "We adopt for life." Today it's a good thing that this is the family's maxim.

Sunshine, you're here to stay--despite your daring antics.

This morning the first thing I saw after reading my Bible was an email from a friend who has become dear to me through two years of both our family's children competing in Bible Bee Nationals. In words that couldn't have been more perfect, she gently reminded me that each time a family adds a member (or in our case, members) the"rich, precious life experience of welcoming the new family member" should cause other things to pale in comparision. Her words brought back how quickly in our past two adoptions the initial and wonderfully unusual stage of being a two-language family with children to whom everything is new passes. Her wise words helped me to laugh at the afternoon's events and even stop to take photos.

Thanks, Laura! Your email was a God-send! I treasure your friendship, and I thank God for you!

Our Adoption: Two More Haircuts

Mrs. Beaver:

As I mentioned in a recent post, getting the first haircut is an important tradition in our three adoptions of older Russian children. While we were able to get Daria's last Wednesday, our steep, and at the time icy, hill prevented the two other newbies from being brought to those of us who were already in town.

So this morning, we headed off for those important trims. Both children were wonderfully cooperative despite noticable nervousness.

After getting just the ends of the long hair (which we've all fallen in love with) trimmed, Katie gave her a special reverse French braid to hold back the top.

Meanwhile, Alexander's thick hair was making a pile on the floor around his chair.

The whole event was a great success, and now, without the hair dangling in front of Alexander's eyes, we can even tell what color they are!

Our Adoption: Day One of "Real Life" Survived!

My Friends,

Thank you so very much for your prayers. There were definitely some trying moments during this first day with Mr. Beaver's full-time return to work and the departure of my wonderful mother-in-law, Jane, and her sister, Jean. But, we made it through the day, and, really, with God's sufficient grace we made it through this first day well.

As the day progressed, I kept saying to myself the same thing I did in the Russian courtroom last month, "Jesus is in this room with me. I'm not alone." I felt His presence and help so powerfully as I faced the adversarial judge who could have denied our petition to adopt. I'm not sure I've ever felt so fearless. So today the same thought, "I'm not alone. Jesus is in this home with us" brought strength and comfort. I had the help of that the same rescuing Saviour was in this tough situation also.

One of the sweetest moments of the day was when my dear friend, Heather, (Room for More) stopped by. She and her husband, Russ, are waiting (and waiting and waiting and waiting...) to adopt a 2-5 year old little girl from Ethiopia. Heather brought giant muffins and an offer to clean toilets or to help me with whatever I needed. Now that's friendship! Her help with our mounds of laundry and subsequent prayer over me really lifted me up mid day.

As I look back on  the day I can also see several lessons I learned that I think will help tomorrow go more a bit more smoothly. Throughout the day, I had the long-distance support of my WONDERFUL husband. Mr. Beaver must have called or texted a dozen times to make sure we were doing okay.

Again, thank you for your prayers. The Lord used your cries on our behalf in very tangible ways. If you wouldn't mind, we'd be grateful for continued prayers, especially that I would be a Christ-like mother no matter the circumstances.

May God be Glorified,
Denise

Trying to Trust

My Friends,

Tomorrow is a daunting day for me. Mr. Beaver returns to work fulltime (he worked partial days this past week). My mother-in-law and her sister fly back to Denver. My college students must buckel down on their school work after our trip to Russia and with finals coming. In other words my greatest supporters of help won't be available.

I hate to admit it since I know so much scripture that commands against it, but I feel anxious. We will return to our homeschooling tomorrow which I know from our previous adoptions gives a sense of routine and security to everyone. But I still feel anxious.

Daria is so very easy, obedient and flexible. She is a pure delight. She has a great sense of humor that keeps us laughing even through the barrier of two different languages. Alexander and Oksansa, on the other hand, are both adorable each in their own way and have been really well behaved considering all the changes in their lives. However, they don't seem to yet get the concept that we get to direct how the day goes rather than them doing so. They tire of activities easily (who can blame them when everthing is in another language?). At this early stage they need a great deal of attention.

I write all this to ask you to pray for this brand new mother of twelve. I know God will see me through, but right now I'm scared.

To God be the Glory,
Denise

Our Adoption: Another Favorite Photo from Moscow

Mrs. Beaver:

While you wait for a full post, here's another photo that has captured our hearts.

We have no doubt that this was Oksana's first time to be on the 24th floor of any building. The tallest building in the village in which her orphanage was housed was about four stories. What a contemplative look as she sips water. Oh to know what was going on in her precious little mind! Absolutely EVERYTHING had suddenly changed in her life.

Our Adoption: A Great, Big God

We're both working on lengthy posts with more of our story, but for now I want to share just one favorite picture from one of our walks on the streets of Moscow.

I think this photo says so much about our God. He can do all things, and He does all things well. Who would believe these sisters had only known one another for three days? Only God could create the bond this picture exemplifies!

Our Adoption: Shoes and Haircuts

With this being our third adoption of older children, certain traditions have developed. One of these traditions is to buy shoes and get haircuts within the first couple of days of their arrival at home.

When we've picked up the children from their orphanages each time, we're expected to bring all the clothing they will need, including shoes. What they've been wearing remains at the orphanage. We usually fare pretty well with guessing at their clothing sizes but not so well at guessing what their shoe sizes are. Plus, once their in America there's always the need for more than the one pair of shoes (church shoes, tennis shoes, snow boots, etc).

Since all nine of the adoptees have come from orphanages, they have tended to have what we've come to call "orphanage haircuts"--uneven, short, choppy and lacking style. This adoption seems to be the exception. These three kids were just in need of a trim.

So, on Day 2 at home, we were off on a double mission. Grandma and Aunt Jean, as well as some of the older kids came along.

We decided to give Target a try hoping to accomplish all the shoe purchases in one location. It doesn't hurt to dream. Does it?

Lissie trying to learn what Oksana's shoe size is.

Cassansra fitting Oksana for church shoes.

Throughout it all, Oksana was wonderfully cooperative. This was a gift from God; in her rural village in Russia, she'd most likely never been in a store the magnitude of a Target. The experience could have sent her into overload. Instead, she was happy and seemed grateful for each pair of shoes we picked out for her.

We left Target with Alexander and Oksana all set for shoes. Daria had a new pair of black pumps for church, but she lacked snow boots and her dream--black fashion boots with heals. We headed home to drop off the succesful shoe shoppers and to get refreshed by lunch.

Then a smaller group of us went out again--on the great boot hunt. Daria had informed us while we were still in Russia that she dreamed of owning boots with heels. We understood where the strong urge came from. With the severe cold in Russia, the women wear boots exclusively for months, and they're intended to make a real fashion statement, at least for the young girls. While we want to be careful about feeding our new daughter's lust for the world (James 4:4). But, at the same time, we know she'll get extensive use of the boots here in the upper mid west also.

Yesterday Daria used "Ringlish" to help us understand that she definitely didn't want the 5 inch heels that come to a pin point, but that she dreamed of the height of heels her mom gave up considering years ago. Nothing "sensible"!

We'd been to two stores, in addition to Target, and we'd found the snow boots. Then we walked by a small shoe store in the mall that I'd never even noticed. Mixed amongst athletic shoes were several pair of black boots. Daria tried on one pair with just the right size of heels. After trying them on and serious consideration as she paced up and down the  small store, Daria was ready to declare that they were THE boots! Just like Alexander and Oksana, she was very grateful. I was the recipient of a number of hugs and kisses and verbal acknowledgement of her gratitude. No jaded teenage attitude here!

After boot shopping, we were to meet John with the two younger ones to get the kids their first American haircuts. Unfortunately, while we were out shopping it had started to get icy so John and the little ones didn't venture out. But since we were already out, we decided to go ahead with Daria's haircut. As you can see by the pictures below, Daria got the royal treatment, including hair straigthening. This is Daria's favorite look, which mystifies Mr. Beaver as he sees his daughters first straighten and then curl their hair on Sunday mornings.

We did a lot of laughing throughout the afternoon. So in the end, we took home shoes, boots, styled hair and memories to last a lifetime.

Bonding with My Children

From Mrs. Beaver:

As Mr. Beaver and I start down this path of parenting twelve children, we have been doing quite a bit of praying and conversing about how to carry out our roles in the most God-honoring and effective way.

Again, this morning during my Bible time, I saw something in the Puritan prayer book titled The Valley of Vision that caught my attention, but in order for that to make sense to my readers I need to share some thoughts from a favorite book called Gospel-Powered Parenting by William Farley.

"The gospel makes parents humble. We see ourselves most perfectly at the foot of the cross. Jesus died in our place. He took what we deserve. What do we deserve? We are cosmic traitors who deserve to be slowly tortured to death, naked, while a crowd stands around mocking, jeering, and laughing. Then in the climax of the scene, God the Father rejects us forever. But Christians never get what they deserve. We get what Christ deserves at his expense. This is the very clear message of the cross. All humility begins with this truth.

"The gospel opens my eyes to who I really am--'wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked' (Rev. 3:17). 'Biblical humility,' notes G. A. Pritchard, 'is not some self-induced groveling or hang-dog attitude. Biblical humility is seeing ourselves as we are. Humility is a response to beholding the holiness of God.'"...

"Growing humility opens our eyes to our sin. It makes us tender and gracious discipliners of our children....

"True humility flows out of a heart broken for its sins and failings." (pgs. 118-120)

Remembering that I had read this section in Farley's book in the past and with the discussions Mr. Beaver and I have been having about parenting, this is what caught my eye in The Valley of Vision:

"Thou Great I AM,
I thank thee for any sign of penitence;
   give me more of it;
My sins are black and deep,
   and rise from a stony, proud,
      self-righteous heart;
Help me to confess them with mourning, regret,
      self-loathing,
with no pretence to merit or excuse" (pgs. 238-239)

This is MY prayer. I want to be broken-hearted and contrite when I sin. I want humility to grow in me. I want God-given humility to make me a God-glorifying blessing to my children.

Farley makes one more statement that I must keep in mind. It's only a few words, but their implication is powerful and far reaching.

"Humble parents attract their children's favor." (pg. 120)

In the adoption community, we talk all the time about "bonding" and also the failure of some adopted children to bond to their adoptive parents. Couldn't the word "bonding" also be called "gaining our children's favor"?

I, of course, desperately want my new children to bond to me. In order for their adoptions ultimately  to succeed, they must bond to me; I must have their favor. Therefore, remembering the cross, recognizing and being deeply sad about my own sin are key. As humility grows in me, my children's attraction to me--and my values as a Christian--will also grow.

(One last, short side note--all of this applies to teenagers also. I am the mother of seven teenagers so all of this is a critical learning for multiple reasons for me!)

Surprises Already this Morning!

Mrs. Beaver:

As many of us were bustling around the kitchen getting our breakfast, I turned towards the refrigerator and saw an unusual sight. Little Oksana had gotten a small head of Romaine lettuce out of the fridge and was nibbling away at it with the refrigerator door still hanging open. An unusual breakfast! (Tina, I think she's a girl after your own heart!:) )

I wish I'd had my camera at that very moment, but I at least caught these photos once we sat her down at the table. She's told Speedy her favorite animal is the cow so I think she's eyeing the bovines on the farm behind us.

Oksana are the whole lettuce head and part of a second one. Joe's comment about his little sister's choice of lettuce and water for breakfast was, "Sounds like prison food to me!"

My second surprise of the morning came when I pulled Daria aside to explain that I'd scheduled haircuts for the three new kids this afternoon. I had Lissie with me to interpret, but there was no need. Daria understood my combination of English, a few words of Russian and pointing perfectly. "Ringlish" has truly begun in our home. (And will continue until the kids are fluent.)

The real surprise came when Daria happily accepted the news that she was going to get her hair cut. I had expected a very unhappy teen. Instead, she grinned, thanked me with a hug and then bounced out of the room while I stood with my mouth draped open. God is so good!