All in a Friday Afternoon

When you're part of an extra large family, you hear many of the same expressions over and over from people.

One that we often hear is, "I bet life is never dull at your house!" This particular sentiment is certainly true. Life is full of variety, and sometimes a bit of humor, too.

This afternoon Alexander was reading to Jaynie in English as part of his school work.

As he was reading, he commented that his tongue gets much more tired reading English aloud than it does when he reads Russian.

After some tongue gymnastics, Alexander concluded that the culprit in English is the "th" sound. There is no equivalent in Russian.

Rather than shying away from the "th" sound, Alexander spent the afternoon slipping the consanant blend in all sorts of creative places. For example, our puppy, Sunshine, became "Thunthine" on the tip of his twisted tongue!

I missed most of Alexander's mouth mayhem because I tagged along with Tessa as she vistited her stylist, Mallory, for a practice run on her wedding hair-do.

The entire process took about two hours, so Tessa looked through books of wedding hairdos for ideas.

Mallory teased the top to add height, which made Tessa wince!

 Both Tessa and I were quite pleased with Mallory's efforts.

However, the unveiling...

...will have to wait until the wedding.

Our Adoption: First Trip--Day 3--Atlanta to Sioux City

In early January we began to tell the story of the amazing adoption journey, both literally and spiritually, that the Lord took us on one year ago.

However, with the craziness of adding three new children to the family and the planning of Tessa's March wedding, we didn't make it far into that narrative. We're ready to try the serialization of our story again. (To see the previous two posts visit Our Newest Adoption: A Phone Call that Would Change Our  and  Our Newest Adoption: How It Began--Day 2)

   ***************************************************************************

While we were on a business trip to St. Thomas, we received an unexpected, middle-of-the-night call from Becky, the travel coordinator of our adoption service provider.

Becky asked if we would leave our tropical paradise and travel to Moscow immediately (in January!) to join a group of adults who would be there visiting Russian orphans. After hesitating only long enough to pray, we enthusiastically agreed! This meant we would get to meet Alexander and Oksana (see our former posts)!

We spent the morning throwing our swim suits and shorts into our suitcases, lining up tickets to get off the island on the only Delta flight of the day, getting passport photos taken for our visa application and rushing over the mountainous center of the island to the airport at the last minute. Needless to say, when we arrived late that night in Atlanta, we collapsed as soon as we reached the hotel.

The next morning we loaded our rental car, which was subtle in color and...

... then navigated our way through downtown Atlanta to the office of the Russian visa service.

While still on St. Thomas, we had called ahead to get help in getting the visas that would allow us to enter Russia. We turned to GoToRussia, the visa service that our adoption agency routinely used. In order to make it to Moscow while the orphans were still there, we needed GoToRussia to arrange for visas on an incredibly short 48-hour time frame. GoToRussia was willing to help us with our tight requirement. However, the short timetable would only work if we were able to play a role in acquiring the visas. We would have to hand-deliver our passports to their office in Atlanta. Then we would have to stop on our way to Moscow two days later to pick up our visas and passports in New York City.

GoToRussia's office was just a few blocks from the golden dome of Georgia's capitol building. Getting to see that landmark reconfirmed for us that we were on quite an adventure.

When we pulled up to the address we'd been given, we weren't sure we were in the right place. We were outside a series of old brownstone buildings that looked as though they were private residencies on the edge of Atlanta's business district.

After looking up and down the street several times for a solution to our confusion, we prayed and then went ahead and knocked. Sure enough, we were greeted by a man with a thick Russian accent, whose name we learned was Alexander. Mr. Beaver had already had quite a bit of internet contact with Alexander, filling out on-line forms ahead of time. Now Alexander placed a phone call to confirm what we would need to do in Manhattan.

While he talked on the phone, I roamed the small office, thoroughly enjoying hearing Russian spoken again. Living in a small town in the upper midwest, we have little contact with Russian immigrants. After having traveled to Russia multiple times for previous adoptions, the sound of the language was music to my ears.

I was also busy admiring a floor-to-ceiling display case filled with Russian memorabilia. Even as I stood there I was getting butterflies at the thought that by the end of the week, Lord willing, we would be returning to the land where six of my children had been born.

While I was reveling in the sensory experience that the office afforded, Mr. Beaver was happily stroking a large orange cat perched on top of a sofa in the room. Those of you who know Mr. Beaver personally know that he is not a cat person. As I turned to catch him in the act of petting the feline, I just figured that this was yet another sign that anything could happen on this trip.

When Alexander was finished with his phone call, Mr. Beaver asked him the cat's name. We chuckled when he told us kitty's name was, "Koshka," the Russian word for "cat".

We knew we would arrive home too late to run errands, so we recruited the help of our children back in Sioux City, phoning ahead a list of requests from Atlanta. They were a ready and willing army of recruits! They felt as though they were being pulled into the biblical call to "visit orphans in their distress" (James 1:27). Joe even coined the term "Operation Liberate the Fatherless," for our family's united effort.

Our nine children divided up the list we'd given them and sped all over town to meet their parents' travel and adoption needs. They withdrew money from the bank in a quantity they'd never touched before. At Target they delighted in gathering gifts of clothing and toys for Alexander, the ten-year-old, whom they hoped would become their brother. They purchased toys and candy for the other children in Alexander's orphanage. They also bought snacks for the two of us for those times when jet lag makes you feel hungry even though a meal is hours away.

While they were shopping, we spent the afternoon and evening traveling. First we flew from Atlanta to Omaha, Nebraska. We then made the two-hour drive to our home town. We were greeted by nine eager embraces at about 8:30 p.m. We had just twelve hours before we had to leave home again for the next leg of this crazy journey.

When we arrived home, our kids had the many purchases they'd made on our behalf spread out on our bedroom floor and our bed (it was obvious we would not get to bed any time soon!).

We were grateful for our children's clear thinking in helping us make decisions about what to pack where, and what to leave behind as suitcases filled up. The two of us were already tired enough that our thought process was foggy and slow. It took a real team effort to efficiently switch swimsuits for sweaters and flip flops for snow boots.

As the night wore on and our young helpers grew tired also, they still hung on to help in any way they could. We were a family with a mission!

Even the youngest hung on...

...though as time passed, the two of them became more of a team of encouragers than real help.

They were tired, too!

Meanwhile, the oldest of our children continued to aid us in making decisions

about what to take and what to leave behind.

Finally, about midnight, the packing was over. We all folded ourselves into bed, looking forward to breakfast together the next morning before we needed to leave for the airport again.

God had faithfully provided the grace all eleven of us had needed to get through a demanding day. We closed our tired eyes thanking Him for His abundant lovingkindness in our lives.

Every Wedding Needs a Cake - Every Family Could Use a Cassandra!

Mrs. Beaver:

When Aaron and Tessa became engaged in October, Cassandra quickly told us she wanted to make the wedding cake. Knowing how gifted the Lord has made the hands of our16-year-old, we quickly told her, "The job is yours! Thank you!"

We became even more grateful for her offer of help when we learned that the average wedding cake costs $543! With nine daughters, every penny saved is a penny to be spent on the next bride's wedding.

Cassandra has already tested a cake recipe that we all agree breaks the mold for the typical, dry wedding cake. The white cake is moist and flavorful. She's also learned how to make the increasingly large, round layers.

The cake will be four-tiers high. She'll frost two cakes for each tier in such a way that they will look like one thick layer. 

Today she worked on perfecting cream cheese frosting, a great project on a day when the high was -2 degrees!

Cassandra was so surprised by the weight of her finished product that she got out the scale.

Daria (left), Cassandra and Princess Bink weighing wedding cake frosting

The frosting weighted 23 pounds, and the cake was even heavier at 26 pounds!

This is a BIG cake even by our family's standards!

Love is Thicker than Blood

No fancy post this time, simply a photo of our oldest Russian adoptee, Jaynie (17) and our youngest Russian adoptee, Oksana (6) while our family was still in Moscow in November.

Isn't our God good that He could create such a strong bond so quickly across two continents, two regions of the massive country of Russia, as well as two sets of unrelated birth mothers and birth fathers? He is a God whose goodness is unlimited. He is a God whose power is untapped. He is a God whose love is the glue that holds our unusual family together. He is a God who is marvelous beyond description. Whether I think about Jaynie's adoption, nearly 10 years ago, or Oksana's adoption, just over 10 weeks ago, I stand amazed at our God.

(Photo taken by Lissie)

Courtship: Last Visit Before Wedding

Mrs. Beaver:

Much to Tessa's delight, Aaron paid us another visit this weekend (with the blessing of our frequent flyer miles built up during adoption trips to Russia last year).

This time Aaron came not just to see Tessa but also to meet Tessa's grandparents before the wedding. Originally the plan was for both sets of grandparents to come. However, my parents, who were do to fly last Wednesday, got grounded by the massive snow storm that crippled the nation in the middle of the week.

Mr. Beaver's mom, Jane (right), and her sister, Jean, were able to travel on Friday. Mr. Beaver's mom was widowed when he was seven. Aunt Jean, who was single, helped Jane and her three sons through the horrible loss. Aunt Jean has been an integral part of the family ever since. She's just like another grandparent.

Last night Tessa and Aaron opened a gift from family friends, the Moores. The package arrived several days before Aaron did. It carried a note that said, "Do not open until Aaron arrives." Once they opened the package, we understood why. The gift was...

..."Together Mittens!" The three-mitten set keeps your hands warm while holding hands. Perfect for this inseparable couple!

Since the pair is going to honeymoon on the north shore of Lake Superior in Minnesota in late March when it will still be CHILLY and spring will still be only a dream, these "Together Mittens" are perfect.

Thanks, Moores family for your creativity and thoughtfulness! We love you!

Haiti's Children Through Our Friend's Lens

Mrs. Beaver:

We've asked our friend, Therese Miller, to photograph Tessa's wedding. We were so pleased when she said, "Yes" to our request. The Lord has given Therese has an amazing eye for capturing the heart of a moment.

The Lord has also given this 21-year-old a heart for oppressed children. Her heart yearns that all children might have a chance at life and a chance at the abundant life promised by Jesus.

Just this past week, Therese returned from a trip to Haiti. Please visit her family's blog (Adventures with the Millers) to see the powerful way in which this gifted photographer and graphic designer has intertwined photos that capture the beauty of Haiti's youngest residents--just a year after that nation's devastating earthquake--with Christ's call to all Christians.

I encourage you also to look at Therese's first post after returning from Haiti (Haiti I Love). There she's shared many of photos from her trip. When I talked to Therese this week, she said, "I think everyone should visit Haiti." I'm eager to hear more when she comes for the wedding!

Preparing Ahead of Time

Mrs. Beaver:

This week confirmed something about parenting I have known for a long time: one of my primary roles as a parent is correction.

In all honesty, this role tends to bring out the worst in me. The need for correction rarely comes at a convenient time. The need for correction always requires that I lay aside my own desires. The need for correction often occurs when I'm tired and worn.

However, I don't want to be irritable and self-righteous when one or more of my children requires being guided back to God-pleasing behavior. I love my children. I consider myself to be a mother blessed twelve times over, by a most generous God, with twelve beautiful children. Thus, when poor behavior requires me to play the role of child-corrector, I want to please God myself with my own behavior.

I've come to recognize that it helps me to think biblically in the heat of the moment if I prepare ahead of time. I can rehearse thoughts that prepare me for how I will respond when called upon to correct.

About five years ago I was inspired by three passages to write the following prayer. With three new children in our family and twelve children still living in our home, I still need the biblical reminders in these verses and the nudges embedded in the prayer:

"I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls" 2 Corinthians 12:15

"He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children." Psalm 113:9

"Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." Galatians 6:8


O Gracious Father,
I am grateful that You invite me to call you Father.
O, that I may plumb the depths of Your willingness to
   let this creature address the Creator
   with such familiarity.
I am grateful that You are a loving, compassionate, Father
   who is eternally patient with me,
   faithfully drawing me unto Yourself.
Your end for me is always my good.
I long to parent as You parent.
You have been most generous to make this barren woman a mother.
Thank You, Lord.
Now, O Lord, as only You can, change my heart
    that I might "most gladly spend and be expended"
    for the sake of the souls of my children.
I need only look to Jesus to catch sight of a life lived this way.
He was willing to be scourged, spat upon, beaten,
   mocked and crucified.
You ask so very little of me.
As only You can, change my heart.
Destroy my deep-seated desire that parenting be easy.
Destroy my deep-seated desire that parenting not make
    inconvenient or costly demands on me.
I sin when I seek my own ease and comfort over my role to bring
   my children's souls to the foot of Your throne through instruction and correction.
Crush the arrogance in me that gets exasperated when my children
   need to be disciplined again and again for the same offense.
Eliminate my tendency to react harshly when I must set aside my goals and plans
   to attend to their needs.
As only You can, change my heart.
Make me humble and loving,
   merciful and compassionate,
   just as You are my Father.
May the end of all I do as a parent be my children's good,
   my focus on their souls.
Help me to parent as You parent, my gracious Father.

A Battle with a Happy Ending

It all started when I told Oksana that she'd lost the privilege of going sledding with her brothers, Speedy and Alexander, shortly after lunch. She had disobeyed on the way out the door, and I knew that, as hard as it was to deny her the fun she longed for, I had to do it.

What followed was an introduction to a side of Oksana that she hadn't yet showed us in her ten weeks in our family. She threw herself on the floor and when I tried to intervene, she then proceeded to kick and hit and scratch and bite me. Despite parenting 12 children, this was new territory.

I knew that overpowering her to stop the angry protestations would only result in damage to our relationship and potentially damage to her physically (or perhaps both of us!). When I moved away from Oksana, the thrashing stopped. Thus I knew that she wasn't in any danger of hurting herself or anyone else. She just sat there in a furious funk.

I've made so many mistakes in my parenting over the years, but God keeps giving me additional opportunities to learn. One of my recent lessons is that I don't have to solve the issue that's arisen immediately, as long as no one will get hurt. In fact, taking the time to gather my wits, to pray and to read my Bible is probably the best insurance against the child getting hurt where the hurt is hardest to heal--in the heart. I've learned the hard way that a wounded soul mends oh-so slowly--if at all.

So today, with Oksana in a huff in the same room, I grabbed my Bible and sat down to seek my Saviour.

I opened to Mark just in time to hear the blind beggar, Bartimaeus, cry out as Jesus passed by in a large crowd, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" I heard the crowd scoff at this outcast and scornfully insist that he hush. I heard Bartimeaus cry out that much louder and more desperately, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" I then watched as Jesus called this blind nobody to him and with just a word heal him of his blindness. (Mark 10:46-52)

At that moment I felt blind. I could not see how to move forward with my enraged child. I could not see how to restore her confidence that I had her long-term best interests in mind, even though that meant the short-term pain of not getting to sled. Like the beggar, I sat on the ground and cried out, "Jesus, have mercy on me! I am blind! Help me to see! Help me to see what to do now with this broken child I hardly know."

As I sat there releasing my frustration and confusion to Jesus, the thought came to me that I needed to tell her that I loved her. At first I hesitated, thinking that she wouldn't even let me near her, and the battle would begin all over again.

But feeling that I needed to obey the urge after just begging for wisdom, I sidled up next to her and gently lifted her into my lap. She didn't resist. She laid her head on my shoulder, giving me the opportunity to whisper words of reassurance to her. She was so calm by this time that I went on to tell her, "I love you even when you're naughty. I love you even when you kick me. I love you even when you hit me. I love you even when you scratch me. I love you even when you bite me. I will always love you no matter what. I will love you forever. I'm glad you're my daughter. You are a gift from God, a precious, beautiful gift. I love your dark-chocolate brown eyes. I love the unusual shape of your eyes. I love your slender fingers. I love your long, brown hair."

By the time we'd gone through this litany, I sensed that she was again willing to let me be her mama, in every sense of the word. She told me she was sorry, and then, to test the waters, I asked her to follow a few commands from me, like sitting down and standing up repeatedly. Sure enough, she was happy to obey.

The two of us entered into a battle that I would have handled so differently in the past. In years gone by, I would have built up irritation and exasperation. I would have said things that damaged my child's sense of security with both my tone and my words. I would have built a wall of bitterness on both sides of the confrontation.

This time I simply cried out to Jesus and waited. His solution brought peace to our home and sweetness between me and my precious new daughter. Christ's nudges to me to be gentle, humble and patient with Oksana changed everything in our early afternoon drama.

As we left my bedroom, some of her sisters grabbed the toys needed for one of Oksana's favorite past times--a "tea party" with her giant bear and her dolls. Oksana's sisters called me to come and watch as she happily set up and began to play. I came running, camera in hand.

In the video below, Oksana tries a couple of times to say grace before her friends eat, but she gets frustrated each time when she mixes up her English and her Russian. She finishes the prayer with a long pronounced, "Amen!" Oksana then goes on to tell her friends that she has food for them and then lovingly urges her bear to eat up.

Her next step is to get out toys (eegrushkee) for all of them to have at the table. After distributing the toys, she pulls out a baby bottle and gives each of them a quick drink.

Getting the chance to capture this scene with my camera was an especially sweet gift from the Lord after a battle that initially look unwinable. Like blind Bartimaeus, I, too, experienced Christ's mercy, and healing was the result.

(Before watching the clip, we suggest you mute the music on the right side of our blog.)

Ten Weeks Isn't Very Long...



Lissie at 10 weeks old

 Mr. and Mrs. Beaver:

Today we mark the 10-week anniversary of our most recent adoption.

As we contemplate all that has happened over the past 10 weeks, the photo above provides an illustration of two very important things.

First, when we see a 10-week-old infant, like our Lissie above, none of us would expect a family to be fully adjusted to the addition of a new life after such a short time. The change to the family is just too big for all the bumps to be smoothed out.

The same is true for an adoptive family after just 10 weeks together. In our case:

• We still face a language barrier that makes day-to-day life sometimes frustrating... sometimes comical
• Our newest kids still periodically miss Russia
• Our other kids are still adjusting to sharing bedrooms, bathrooms and the attention of their parents
• The two of us are more stretched and tired 

However, this picture also causes us to stop and thank our God. He has done mighty works in a very short time in our family:

• Even with the language barrier, we have experienced more laughter and fun, due in part to Daria and Alexander's great senses of humor
• Daria and Alexander have both worked hard to learn English and are beginning to put simple thoughts together in their new language
• Oksana, at just six years old, demonstrates daily that she already understands a tremendous amount of English, responding to our English requests with alacrity
• The rest of the family has learned a fair amount of Russian from Daria and Alexander, putting us on the path toward our goal of becoming a bilingual family. Full conversations now go on daily in Russian in our home.
• Daria and Alexander have both memorized their first scripture passages in English (likely their first scripture passages in any language!)
• Others in the family have memorized their first scripture passages in Russian
• We've seen sweet friendships develop between our newest children and those who were already here
• We've also seen friendships begin to form between our newest children and kids in our community
• Since Daria is a gifted cook, we've been introduced to Russian cuisine... much to the detriment of our already challenged waistlines
• We've watched Oksana's sense of security grow, manifesting itself in happiness that makes our hearts sing
• By God's grace we've been able to work through the few sibling disputes that have arisen, despite the language barrier
• God has stretched our parenting skills, teaching us to be that much more dependent on Him for wisdom and grace
• God has taught the two of us to be more patient and less critical, helping us build stronger relationships more quickly than in our two other adoptions of older children.

Overall, God has demonstrated to us yet again that we need to look to Him and His word for wisdom, not to the world. While there have been challenges that have stretched us beyond our own abilities, He is faithful to provide His grace just when we need it.

The world would say: "Don't adopt," and "Don't adopt older children," and "Don't adopt teenagers," and "Don't adopt multiple children."

But God says, "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of [Me] is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress..." (James 1:27).

He also says, "Trust in [Me] with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknolwedge [Me] and [I] will make your paths straight." (Prov 3:5).

Although we have a long way to go as a family, we also have much to celebrate at just 10 weeks!