He Proposed with a Frisbee, Part 1

I don't know if I've ever left our readers hanging for so long after promising a post. Friends, I'm sorry for the prolonged wait for our family's big news. I never intended for weeks to pass by before I published the story of Josh and Zhenya getting engaged. However, I've found this to be amongst the most difficult posts I've ever been called on to write.

Why? Well, I've spent plenty of time searching my heart for the reason for my struggle. As strange as it sounds, I think the source of my writer's block has been overwhelming JOY! Let me try to explain...

Both Mr. R and I are over-the-moon THRILLED that Josh and Zhenya will soon wed. Mr. R spent months working with Josh during his courtship with Zhenya. Josh has been through a more rigorous screening than CIA agents must have to endure to enter the service. And Josh passed Mr. R's many queries with flying colors. He is truly a fine, godly young man.

In addition, there just couldn't be a man better suited to our beloved Zhenya! She is spunky, athletic, and just-plain full of life. Zhenya is a party-waiting-to-happen where ever she goes. She loves to laugh. She loves a good joke. She loves an adventure, and she rises to any challenge set before her. On top of all this, Zhenya is remarkably intelligent, creative and artistic. She has a growing business as owner of her own graphic design firm. It will take quite a man to be the life-long partner of our fireball, and we feel confident that God has given Josh the perfect blend of qualities to bring out Zhenya's best for the next 60 or so years.

So why the struggle to tell the story of Josh and Zhenya's engagement? Well, I've just grabbed a mug of steaming tea. Let me try my best to share my heart's elation with you.

Fourteen years ago Mr. R and I were in the midst of adopting from Russia. In late 2000, the two of us had experienced a nudge from God about the unending need for homes and families for older orphans in Eastern European. With great trepidation, we fell to our knees to seek the face of God to make certain that He was really calling us to something that seemed so risky. We also sought wisdom and guidance in His word.

We didn't have to pray long or read far to begin to comprehend God's heart for the orphan. By mid January 2001, we'd started the adoption process, planning on bringing home one child who was between six and eight. God, however, continued to do radical surgery in our hearts (despite the fear raging in me). During my regular Bible reading time one morning, I read in Ecclesiastes that "two are better that one". Again we recognized God at work through His word, and we made the decision to adopt siblings ~ a boy and a girl. My fear continued, but at least I could see the logic behind us adding a brother for John and a sister for Anna and Alison. This made impending change to our family seem neat and tidy!

God, however, was not interested in allowing me to rest in a place that felt neat, tidy and under control. Within days of our home study being finished, the adoption agency director emailed Mr. R...directly from rural RUSSIA! She was visiting an orphanage in the Bryansk region in the far western part of the country. Her agency had just started to work with the Zhukovka orphanage and her goal was to build a relationship with the orphanage's director that could lead to future adoptions. Mr. R read in the unexpected email that she'd met the PERFECT kids for us. There was just one small detail that varied from our plan. This sibling group was made up of THREE kiddos instead of two!

The thought of doubling the number of our children in one fell swoop overwhelmed me! I just couldn't wrap my head around parenting six children ages eleven to five. I couldn't begin to fathom how I would home school six, especially since three of them wouldn't speak English fluently for more than a year after they joined the family. In addition, friends to whom we mentioned that we were praying about adopting three older children were saying things to us like, "Are you going to hide the knives?"

In the midst of my fretting, God grabbed a hold of my heart. One morning while I was reading my Bible, He revealed my failure to trust Him. That revelation cast a whole new light on the craziness of adopting a trio of siblings from a half a world away. We wouldn't be traveling the road alone. God would be with us, and He would be faithful. I remembered that nothing was impossible for Him, including healing the hearts and lives of some very broken children. Mr. R had already come to the conclusion that we should adopt Zhenya, Svetlana and Vladislav (as they were then known). Now, after about six weeks of wrestling, I told Mr. R that I was ready to take God at His word and take on three orphans.

In September 2001 (one week after 9/11), we went to court in Russia and became the parents of three traumatized, neglected children. These were siblings whose multi-generational legacy was one of alcoholism, divorce, and children born out of wedlock. We had three goals for our new kiddos. First, that their physical needs ~ food, clothing, shelter and education ~ would be met. Second, that they would be taught about God and introduced to Jesus. We knew that they only way for them to fully heal from their traumatic first few years was to eventually have their identity solidly anchored in Christ's very personal love of each of them. Third, that we would, by God's grace, equip them to be able to go the distance in happy marriages, successfully raising children to God's glory. We longed for them to break the legacy that caused them such pain. We longed for the cycle to never repeat itself in their lives or those of their children.

We've witnessed the fulfilling of those first two goals over the course of the past 14 years. The third goal has had to wait. We just couldn't know whether marriage-readiness could be attained until one of our nine children who has since come to our family through older-child adoption reached the maturity and selflessness necessary. There have been times when we've wondered if such emotionally scarred children could be healed enough to have successful marriages and families. And yet, God has healed! God has been faithful! Mr. R and I feel confident that Zhenya is READY to walk down the aisle and into a life-long marriage. She's READY to make a great mommy to a home full of children. Her readiness is a God-wrought miracle in my mind. The healing that her engagement confirms is something that only the Lord could do. After all, under the exterior of a resilient 22-year-old woman is the soul of a little girl who witnessed her first father try to take his own life and who lived under a bridge with her younger siblings when her first mother would disappear for weeks at a time. All glory be to God for His love for and care of the orphan!

There. I have finally committed to writing the memories and musings that have circled their way through my heart and mind since Josh and Zhenya's engagement. My sense of awe for the wonder of our God has never been greater. He has done what looked impossible. God has poured hope into a life that the world would consider hopeless.

In Part 2 of this post, I'll share the story of the big day along with plenty of pictures. God is the author of their love story and their love story is BEAUTIFUL already!

May God richly bless you,
Mrs. R (Denise)

Birthday Thanks to Our Twins {The Role Siblings Play in Adoption}

Mrs. R:

Happy 23rd, John and Alison! Our family has been wildly blessed by the two of you in ways too numerous to count. 

However, on your special day, I want to acknowledge a role you have played in our unusual extra-large bio-adoptive family. You two are the only ones who weren't added to our family through adoption. As the biological children, you could have tried to claim a special place in your parents' hearts. At times it would have been easy to mock or demean your other 10 siblings. But you haven't--ever. As your older sister, Anna, met her birth parents after she turned 18, you were in her corner cheering her on and praying for her.

In addition, each of the three times we adopted three children from Russia, you demonstrated the constancy, patience, love and encouragement your new siblings needed so much to adapt to their new lives in America. You lived sacrificial love like no one outside our family could possibly fathom. And you did so without a word of complaint. In fact, each time we considered adoption, you were in the forefront of the crowd encouraging us. You saw children who needed a family and helped give us the fortitude to take the steps of faith needed to be that family for them. And then you followed up with day-in, day-out love and support for them as they adjusted. You lived Christ-like love before you knew much about the theology of it. 

This time around I'm only posting photos from our first adoption of a trio of siblings, but each of these pictures is worth 1,000 words. These photos were taken in the first six months after the adoption of Zhenya, Sarah and Matthew. Despite the short time your new sisters and brother had been your siblings, their security in your all-embracing love shows in their eyes and their smiles. Although there are no photos here from the adoptions of your other six siblings, the story is the same. Your sacrificial love made an incredible impact from the start and, your dad and I firmly believe, has been a key factor in the reason they are all progressing so well years after their adoptions.

Thank you, twins, for making all the difference in the world.

With much love,

Mom

Alison (rear) age nine and Zhenya age eight -- December 2001

Matthew age six and John age nine -- December 2001

Matthew age six and Alison age nine -- Christmas Day 2001

Matt age six and John age 10 -- Spring 2002

Sarah age 7 Alison age 10 and Zhenya age 8 -- Easter 2002

Zhenya age 8 and Alison age 10 -- Spring 2002

Preaching to Myself...

Mrs. Beaver:

Me and 13-year-old Natasha, April 2013

I tape a great many index cards around my bathroom. Some of them have scripture verses on them, while a few hold a sentence or phrase that's caught my attention. Usually these 3"x5" cards will eventually go unnoticed. If I leave them in place too long, I just don't see them after a while.

There is one exception. I have one card posted that has been part of the room's decoration for months and months without fading into the wallpaper. This card I purpose to read several times a day because I need its crucial reminder. I need the words to penetrate my thick head and stubborn heart. I need the words to penetrate my self-absorption. What does the card say? "Every child needs a protector, an advocate and a confidant.*" 

It's a simple message. Just 10 words. Ten very insightful words. The need of every child is as profound as their soul is fragile. Kids need someone to shelter them from the worst the world has to offer. Kids need someone to stand up for them. Finally, kids need adults in their corner who will nurture their dreams. The only way I can function in those roles is to know each of my children. And the only path to knowing my kiddos' is to slow down long enough to listen when they're ready to talk--no matter what time that takes place--day or night. So when I'm tired, I return to the card in my bathroom and read it yet again, "Every child needs a protector, an advocate and a confidant." That 24/7 availability is what differentiates me from an orphanage caretaker. Orphanage workers have their own homes and families. They go home at night. Not me. I'm a mom. 24/7--by God's grace, through His power, in His strength.

***********************

*I wish I could give the author credit of the phrase credit for her wisdom. One day while at my computer, I flew past this sentence on a blog when I didn't have time to read the author's post. I just jotted the note and thought I'd return to read the her full explanation later. By the time I made it back to my blog roll, the article was long gone in today's cyber world and couldn't even remember which blog the words had come from. My apologies.

Mother's Day Reflection: A Better Plan

Mrs. Beaver:

We were never able to have children like most people do, and yet I'm the mother of twelve. God's plan was better than ours!

Twelve years ago this month, I was wrestling with whether we should double the number of our children. Mr. Beaver had already come to peace with the idea, but I was scared stiff at the thought. We'd felt led by the Lord to adopt one older Russian orphan. Then the Lord led us to the idea of adopting siblings. When we received our referral, we were shocked that our agency wanted us to adopt a trio of siblings. Like Jacob in the Old Testament God won the wrestling match--I ended up with a hip out of joint--so to speak--and we went from three children to six as the result of one court hearing in Russia in September 2001. A dozen years later, I can smile this Mother's Day and say God's plan was better.

This first of the three trios we've adopted from Russia has reached adulthood. Jaynie turned twenty this month. Cassandra will be 19 in July and Mark's 18th birthday will fall near the close of 2013. We've come to the end of parenting them as children. There's been "hard", as the expression goes, to get to this point. But Mr. Beaver and I would tell you that most of that hard has been the result of sinfulness in the two of us. God has refined us through the parenting of Jaynie, Cassandra and Mark in ways that would have never have proven necessary if we hadn't adopted older children. Through the process, He has made us a bit more like Christ. God's plan was better.

Our role now will be to shepherd them as they make their mark on the world as adults. Watching God open doors for them is soul satisfying to Mr. Beaver and me. After all, these were cast-away kids. Living in an orphanage doesn't allow you much opportunity to develop the gifts God has placed in you. But when you're in a family your special talents stand a better chance of being recognized and utilized. God's plan is better.

While Mark is still a bit too young to have his direction settled, Jaynie and Cassandra's dreams are opening up to them. Jaynie learned this week that she has been accepted for a graphic design internship at Wells Enterprises, makers of Blue Bunny Ice Cream. For years Jaynie, who loves to draw, has had a desire to illustrate children's books, and we believe this is the first of a number of steps in that direction. God's plan is best.

Cassandra's world is also opening up before her. Months ago she pulled the two of us aside and told us she had a dream of serving orphans in Africa ~ and perhaps widows at the same time. This past week Cassandra and I attended #Summit9 hosted by the Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) in Nashville. There, a "God story" began to unfold as Cassandra found a ministry that works in Zambia with orphans and widows. She was told they have just the place for the talents, skills and giftings the Lord has placed in her. We still have many details to work through before she goes, but Cassandra is so excited that she cries tears of joy when she tells the story of the Lord matching her with this ministry. God's plan is best.

If I'd had my way with motherhood, I would have given birth to four children. God has only allowed me one pregnancy, but that resulted in our beautiful twins, John and Lissie. To our great surprise, He's also given us ten other treasures through adoption. His plan has been so very different than mine. His plan has been far better than mine. His plan ~ as always ~ is best.

Orphan Care: A Heart Check

Mrs. Beaver:

Amy (newly 3) in the arms of her orphanage director as we prepared to leave to unite her with her sisters,
Tatanya and Natasha,at their orphanage and then head take the three of them to their new family and home

It would be easy to think that the political move in Russia that threatens to eliminate the ability of Americans to give loving homes to kids who desperately need them is just an issue that affects those of us who have been led to adopt from that country.

But perhaps there's more to recent events than we might think.

Here's a link with some penetrating thoughts:

From My Heart

The post is long, but please at least scan it. Stare at her photos. And contemplate God's commands:

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Remove the evil of your deeds from my sight.
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Reprove the ruthless,
Defend the orphan,
Plead for the widow." Isaiah 1:16,17

Now consider:

Is my desire for convenience and ease stronger than I realized? Has the craving for my life to be comfortable kept me from opening my home to a child?

Has fear held me back from being willing to parent a child who will come with emotional scars? Do I lack trust in God that He will get us through the toughest of times?

Do I doubt that God would provide the financial means if I said yes to adoption?

Am I afraid that the neat and tidy family we have might be changed in a way I won't like?

Have I held back because my current ministry might be hampered? What if God has something even bigger and more impactful in mind?

And one last question:

Empty-nesters and nearly empty-nesters: while you're yet young enough, what eternal difference could you make in the life of a child using those parenting skills you've honed for so long?

Now consider God's words at the opposite end of the book of Isaiah:

"Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
To let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house?" Isaiah 58:6,7 ESV

God expects His people's lives to look markedly different than their culture. He calls us to live sacrificially, loving the least of these as our service of worship to Him who loved us when we were yet His enemies.

Adoption Update: Please Pray!

Mrs. Beaver:

We took an important step this week in the adoption. We filed the I-600A. That's international adoption speak for the paperwork that must go the Department of Homeland Security to request that our adoptees be allowed to immigrate and become U.S. citizens upon the finalization of their adoption. Now we wait for several weeks for the return form, the I-171H. You'll hear the cheers when that crucial piece of paper arrives!

Important progress is being made nearly daily on bringing our kiddos home. However, we heard this week is that we're very unlikely to get a court date in Russia before the end of the year. This is highly discouraging! If we don't go to court before December 31, numerous documents will have to be done all over simply because the calendar now says 2013. And, if we have to redo paperwork, the process of getting a number of professionals to respond to our requests is time consuming. We'd probably be looking at a February or March court date. that is if something else doesn't arise to slow the process.

We need a giant army of pray-ers storming heaven's gates beseeching the Father of the Fatherless to grant us the "impossible." We know who is King of Kings, and we're trusting Him to do that which is not possible by human effort. Please ask the Lord to lay low hurdles that stand in the way of a 2012 court date! We're clinging tightly to Him. We're going to be on our knees repeatedly, pleading with Him just like Jesus instructs in the parable of the widow pestering the judge (Luke 18:1-8). "For nothing will be impossible with God."! (Luke 1:37 NASB) We're eager to loudly praise His greatness for getting us out of yet another tight squeeze as he's done so faithfully during our various adoptions.

This blog has readers around the globe. Will you please join in a world-wide concert of prayer on behalf of these four orphans? They need parents. They need a family. They need a home. They need the opportunity to learn the glorious good news of the gospel.

BTW, I learned this week that we'd misunderstood the rules about posting photos. We just can't identify the kids' or their region in any way. Thus, the picture at the top taken a couple of weeks ago. Mr. Beaver had just given them stuffed animals their future siblings had picked out for them. In fact, here's the littlest one's reaction as the cheap toy was pulled unceremoniously from a Target bag:

 

Oh, I long to hold my babies!

For My New Friend, Alyson

Mrs. Beaver:

Two of the primary questions of those considering adopting older children is: "Can older adoptees bond with others? Is attachment possible for such emotionally-scared children?"

Mr. Beaver and I  are nearly eleven years down the wild-but-amazingly-wonderful path of older-child adoption. We would answer these pressing questions with a resounding, "Yes!"--with an crucial qualifier.

As we've parented our twelve children, we've learned (sometimes the hard way!) that Biblical standards for loving one another must be consistenly and humbly enforced and modeled by parents. A favorite Bible passage that we use as a moment-by-moment thermometer for all hearts in the house is: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others." (Philippians 2:3,4 NASB) The first four words are usually all the gentle reminder that is needed!

In our family God has used His ways to mold hearts, creating healthy sibling relationships. His good hand has been on our kiddos, most of whom either didn't know each other as young children or had been separated by the wreckage of their original families. He is a great God who is making beautiful things out of dust!

Yesterday the Lord allowed me to capture "on film" a couple of the family's many sibling relationships as the kids worked to clean up the remains of one of our favorite fair-weather outings--a breakfast picnic.

As we've shared here before, Natasha (left) and Tatiana (right) are biological sisters. However, when they were little Natasha lived with their mom, while Tatiana was cared for by a grandmother who lived six hours away. Their reunion came when both were placed in the same orphanage. When we met them 11 months after their placement in the children's home, their closeness was unmistakable. Each girl's willingness to obey the Bible's commands to forgive one another and overlook the other's shortcomings (Ephesians 4:32--a family must) has helped insure a lasting friendship.

Daria (left) and Lissie (right) are not biological siblings. They didn't become sisters until Lissie was nearly 19 and Daria was close to 16. Despite this seemingly late start, the roommates are now sisters in every conceivable way. Their loyalty to each other is strong. And Mr. Beaver and I have hope that their friendship will last a lifetime because their relationship is now based on a shared love of Christ. The gospel is their tie. They've each had to die to self a thousand times, but the Lord has provided the grace they've needed to do just that.

God makes beautiful things out of dust!

(My title for this post is in honor of a woman I've only met by email. She shared her older-child adoption story with me this week. What a great reminder of just how great--and gracious--our God is! Thanks, Alyson!)

Milestone Celebration

Mrs. Beaver:

Today is our 18-month anniversary, and looking back can be so healthy. The Lord has brought us so far! His faithfulness is unfathomable! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to those of you who have cried out to God on our behalf! We're more grateful for your prayers than we could ever express!

Here are some random photos of the sculpting God has done on the 15 of us (I'm including our beloved son-in-law, Aaron) to turn us into a family utterly committed to one another: