Sunday Lunch

After church today, a large crowd gathered round our dining room table. Dad spearheaded the meal preps...

...with John doing his best to keep up with the dirty dishes created by getting the food ready.

As busy as Nick and Kirsten currently are working AND preparing for their nuptials, we were so happy to have the engaged couple with us for the meal. After all, their wedding is merely week from today.

In the midst of wedding preps and Tina's high school graduation excitement, we've had to make a conscious effort not to lose sight of Kolya's 17th birthday today. Later we'll eat luscious Texas Sheet Cake to celebrate.

As we gathered around the table, lively conversation began immediately.

The young man courting Sarah, Alec, feels like a natural in this crowd.

Sarah's lab puppy, Ramsey, considers himself a necessity wherever food is involved. He got a bit cheeky about begging under the food-laden table...

...but a quick command from his momma and his manners immediately improved.

While Sarah was monitoring the behavior of her dog, Tina was checking on the antics of her puppy. Kaiya was a bit miffed about the being tied to a tree during the feast.

Matt was the last to come from helping with food prep to the table.

At that happy moment, the hungry birthday boy knew he was finally going to get to eat.

We enjoyed ham and green beans almondine...

...with the happy addition of a summer favorite, watermelon.

The only person missing as we enjoyed God's bounty was the young man courting Tina, who was celebrating his grandmother's birthday.

In the end, everyone was full and cheered by the fellowship.

As the eating wound down, Ramsey listened intently, hoping to hear some of his favorite words like park and walk.

I noticed toward the end the Kirsten was in her own world, I don't know if she was contemplating what she still has to pack for her move after the wedding. Or perhaps she was remembering the many times of rich conversation around this table. She and Nick will always be warmly welcomed in our home; they'll only be a hop, skip and jump away here in town. However in just over a week, they'll begin creating their own traditions.

My prayer for my beloved daughter is that in three decades she'll find herself as happily married as I am to this fine follower of Christ.

Healed

Mrs. R:

In my last post, I focused on the struggle I was having to slay my pride and honor my husband. We were in the midst of quite a disagreement.

God is so kind. We listened to this sermon by Voddie Baucham on forgiveness together and the biblical truths he shared helped us both to get humble and sorry for our sins against one another. We may have been married for 31 years but we're still learning! (We can't recommend this sermon highly enough!)

God has brought the color back to our one-flesh union after a couple of very gray days!

My Role in Harming Our Marriage {and Polluting God's Name}

Mrs. R:

I love this photo of me and my man. However, this picture most certainly could not have been captured today.

I did much harm to our marriage today as a result of my pride so these words by Puritan Thomas Manton are especially painful tonight:

"Holiness is required, that we may not be a disgrace to God and a dishonor to Him. This sin of God's people stains his honour and profanes His name...Men judge by what is visible, and so they think of God by His servants...Men are apt to think of God by His worshippers, and by the people that profess themselves near and dear to Him; therefore it concerns us to walk so that our lives may honor him...we seem to exalt God much in our talk and profession; yea, but we throw Him down when we pollute him and deny Him in our conduct. Our lives are the scandal of religion, and a pollution and blot to the name of God. So with respect to ourselves, you see that we need to go to God, that He will give us grace that we may please Him and glorify His name." Quoted in Voices from the Past: Puritan Devotional Readings, January 9, edited by Richard Rushing (one of my favorite books).

Voddie Baucham so often says in his sermons as He makes a point, "If you can't say, 'Amen.', say, "Ouch!"  Tonight, I have to say a resounding, "OUCH!" I sinned much today. I have much about which to be repentant. I pray for God's grace to clearly see my sin that I might own it and contribute to the healing of our marriage.

What is yet another sadness tonight in addition to profaning God's name? Our children were well aware of what was going on behind our bedroom door which was closed most of the day. I am reminded of a powerful quote I read years ago in a book called, Gospel Powered Parenting by William Farley. He notes:

"To whom do our marriages preach? Of course the first audience is God and His angels. They watch and rejoice, or if our marriage is a war zone, they grieve.

"Who is the second audience? Most of us think about our non Christian neighbors. Maybe they will see our attempts to model Christian marriage and want the gospel? They might, and we hope they will, but actually they are the third audience.

 "The second audience, usually overlooked by most Christians is our children. What is our marriage telling them about Christ and His bride? They see it all. They hear our fights. They absorb our attitudes. They know who or what really sits on the throne of our lives. They watch how we handle resentment. They hear the way we talk to each other. They know when we hear the Sunday sermon and apply it. They also know when we ignore it. The message our marriage preaches either repels or attracts them [to Christ]" pgs. 110,111

 I finish the night sad. I finish the night begging God to convict me of my sin and grant me a broken and contrite heart that will encourage the healing of our marriage. I finish the night grateful that God's mercies are new each morning, and that He is a God who heals.

Diary of a Maine Sunset

Denise:

"I shall make mention of the lovingkindnesses of the Lord..." Isaiah 63:7a

Jim and I continue to relish our week-long celebration of God's goodness in granting us 30 years together. Tonight the Lord gave us the sweetest gift tonight ~ a spectacular sunset.

Just as we finished dinner, we realized that something very special was about to take place to the west. We left the dishes as they were and dashed to the property's dock. We sat hand-in-hand on the dock in the slight chill of a late September evening, watching as the heavens declared the glory of God.

Once the sun dropped below the horizon, the sky was painted every shade of orange.

Until at last the evening purple of the Atlantic stood in stark contrast to the rich curtain of color adorning the heavens.

As darkness began to replace the unrivaled fireworks we'd been privileged to witness. We readied ourselves to climb the staircase to our temporary home.

When we reached the top, we stole a final glimpse of a sunset neither of us will soon forget.

Thank You, Lord.

"I  shall make mention of the lovingkindnesses of the Lord,

the praises of the Lord,

According to all that the Lord has granted us,

And the great goodness toward the house of Israel,

Which He has granted them according to His compassion

And according to the abundance of His lovingkindnesses."

Isaiah 63:7

The Most Important Meeting of Your Life

Jim:

 

Denise and I are in Maine celebrating God's goodness in giving us three decades together!

While we are here, we are immersing ourselves in God's word as well as a variety of other books, including a powerful book about marriage called You and Me Forever – Marriage in Light of Eternity, by Francis & Lisa Chan. We have just cracked it open and are already excited to see how God will grow our love of Him and our love for each other as we read together.

Even though we’ve just started the book, I feel compelled to share something important that Francis shares right up front… and it applies to far more than just marriage. Specifically, Pastor Chan reminds us vividly that our relationship with God and our eternal destiny is the only foundation on which to build a healthy marriage (or a healthy life, in general). He says,

“FEAR GOD. I’m guessing those are two words you didn’t expect to read in a marriage book. But nothing could be more foundational for marriage. Without a healthy fear of God, we will not fully enjoy life and love. Without it, our priorities will be completely off. Yet if a healthy fear of God is at the foundation of who we are, a beautiful life and marriage can be built upon this.”

He goes on to say that most people underestimate how terrifying it will be to see God. And yet, the examples we find of people in Scripture who have had the experience should get our attention:

• Job came face-to-face with God after complaining about how God had been treating him and said: “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees You; therefore I retract, and I repent in dust and ashes.” ~ Job 42:5-6
• Isaiah saw the Lord in His throne room in a vision and was sure he was doomed because of his unworthiness:  “And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, ‘Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.’" ~ Isaiah 6:4-5
• John encountered the risen Christ in a vision and said: “When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, ‘Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.’” ~ Rev 1:17-18
• And Jesus said: “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” ~ Matt 10:28

Pastor Chan goes on to encourage us to frequently contemplate meeting God face-to-face, consciously preparing for the day that will matter for all eternity!

“Oddly, I meet very few people who think about that moment. Is it because we don’t really believe it’s going to happen? We think about upcoming vacations and imagine how much fun we will have. We think about upcoming trials and worry about how difficult they will be. Why don’t we think about seeing God for the first time? I try to think about it often because it keeps me centered.”

Further, he insists that we must lift our eyes off of self and stare at God. We must stop focusing on our transient life on earth and contemplate what our eternity will be like. He rightly points out:

“If we don’t stare at God, we’ll spend our time staring at lesser things. Namely, ourselves. When we focus on ourselves, we naturally begin to structure every aspect of our lives around the few years we have here on earth, rather than the millions of years we will spend in His presence… or out of His presence. We live as if we are not dying. We live as though the King is not returning!”

But He is returning! And Scripture is clear that His return should inspire awe and reverence in His children, not to mention abject fear in His enemies. Notice that both Old and New Testament passages convey the same terrifying image of God's judgment:

“The pride of man will be humbled and the loftiness of men will be abased; and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day, but the idols will completely vanish. Men will go into caves of the rocks and into holes of the ground before the terror of the Lord and the splendor of His majesty, when He arises to make the earth tremble. In that day men will cast away to the moles and the bats their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves to worship, in order to go into the caverns of the rocks and the clefts of the cliffs before the terror of the Lord and the splendor of His majesty, when He arises to make the earth tremble. Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?” ~ Is 2:17-22

“Then the kings of the earth and the great men and the commanders and the rich and the strong and every slave and free man hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains; and they said to the mountains and to the rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the presence of Him who sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb; for the great day of their wrath has come, and who is able to stand?’” ~ Rev 6:15-17

In closing, I need to admit that Pastor Chan’s admonitions hit too close to home. I spend entirely too much time chasing counterfeits like wealth, pleasure, respect and esteem of others instead of intimacy with Him. I need to lift my eyes to heaven and stare at God. I need to spend time and energy contemplating life from the perspective of eternity. I need to proactively prepare to meet my Maker. I want the most important meeting of my life to be filled with awe, reverence and blessing... not terror.

How do you want that meeting to go for you?

Our Marriage: We've Stumbled


(Please note: this post was originally penned by me [Denise], but because it is about OUR marriage we edited it together. Thus all the thoughts here are joint sentiments and learnings)



Photo credit -- Lauren La Plante at Eric and Lissie's Wedding October 2014

After three decades, Jim and I knew we needed a marriage refresher.

So while we each read Paul Tripp's STELLAR book on marriage, What Did You Expect?? several years ago, we're reading it aloud together this time.

A couple of nights ago we came upon a page that well sums up what we've found to be the greatest danger to the marital union. We would say "Yes! And amen!" to Tripp's thoughts below. We also want to own that within the last year, even after 30 years of marriage, we've both found ourselves struggling with the "disease" Tripp discusses here. Please bear with this long quote!

"2 Corinthians 5:14-15 reads 'For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again" (NIV). The apostle Paul summarizes here what sin does to all of us. Sin turns us in on ourselves. Sin makes us shrink our lives to the narrow confines of our little self-defined world. Sin causes us to shrink our focus, motivation, and concern to the size of our wants, needs, and feelings. Sin causes all of us to be way too self-aware and self-important. Sin causes us to be offended most by offenses against us and to be concerned most for what concerns us. Sin causes us to dream selfish dreams and to plan self-oriented plans. Because of sin, we really do love us, and have a wonderful plan for our own lives!

"What all this means is that sin is essentially antisocial. We don't really have time to love our spouse, in the purest sense of what that means, because we are too busy loving ourselves. What we actually want is for our spouse to love us as much as we love ourselves, and if our spouse is willing to do that, we will have a wonderful relationship. So we try to co-opt our spouse into a willing submission to the plans and purposes of our claustrophobic kingdom of one.

"But there is more. Because sin is antisocial, it tends to dehumanize the people in our lives. No longer are they objects of our willing affection. No, they quit being the people we find joy in loving. Rather, they get reduced to one of two things. They are either vehicles to help us get what we want or obstacles in the way of what we want...We are kingdom-oriented people. We always live in the service of one of two kingdoms. We live in service of the small, personal happiness agenda of the kingdom of self, or we live in service of the origin-to-destiny agenda kingdom of God.

"When we live for the kingdom of self, our decisions, thoughts, plans actions and words are directed by personal desire. We know what we want, where we want it, why we want it, when we want it, and who we would prefer to deliver it. Our relationships are shaped by an infrastructure of subtle expectations and silent demands. We know what we want from people and how to get it from them. We seek to surround ourselves with people who will serve our kingdom purposes, and we evaluate them not from the perspective of the laws of His kingdom but of our kingdom.

"This side of heaven, there is a constant war between the kingdom of  self and the kingdom of God. Every battle you have with other people is the result of that deeper war. When you are losing this war, you live for yourself, and invariably it ends in conflict with your husband or wife." (Paul Tripp, What Did You Expect?, pg. 47)

The recent bout of selfishness that has infected our marriage snuck up on us. Slowly we began waging quiet, subtle turf wars with one another. Eventually, we began to recognize the frightening turn our one-flesh union had taken. We then found ourselves confused as to what on earth had happened to our storybook marriage. God was faithful, however. We cried out to Him, and he is lifting the veil for each of us on how self-oriented we've become as the stresses in our lives have increased.

Now we're on guard. Now we have a clearer understanding of just how likely we are to sin against one another, even after three wonderful, glorious decades. We're not all the way there yet, but our marriage is healing. We are again learning to romance one another. We're also working at treasuring our friendship and protecting it. We're relearning that in order to have a storybook marriage, you must live, "There is no me. There is no mine. There is no mine." (Matt Batterson). A mere six words that are breathing life...beautiful LIFE...back into our marriage. Selfishness out! Death to self in! Only God's way works!

Eric and Lissie's Wedding: Private Moments

Before I post the pictures taken by our wedding photographer, I want to share a few I was able to capture on Eric and Lissie's wedding day.

Each of these is a candid photograph, taken when the couple was unaware of anything but each other.

After the photographer had taken photos of the bride and groom on the church's main floor, she suggested we go upstairs and make use of some empty classrooms. I went up one staircase crossed the balcony, and met Eric and Lissie as they ascended a narrow back staircase. I readied my camera immediately because the couple had unwittingly created a perfect photo op...and I was the only photographer nearby! Eric had swooped Lissie into his arms and carried her up the stairs. The church's hundred-year-old arched door frame made a perfect backdrop for recording this unplanned act of pure romance.

To God be the glory!

He Makes All the Difference

We attended a wedding today. Lissie's fiance was with us. Just after the ceremony I caught the soon-to-be-bride casting this look of love at the man who will be her husband in six weeks. Seeing the photo tonight, I'm moved by the accidental composition, with her Lissie's dad in the background. Having a loving, intentional father behind her throughout her life has prepared Lissie to look forward to a bright future with the man of her dreams. She is a secure woman of strength; watching her daddy's biblically-informed way of navigating daily life as a man of God has helped her, by grace, to develop the deep faith in Jesus which an enduring marriage needs to go the distance with grace as its cornerstone.

To My Beloved Husband, 
Thank you for the incredible number of hours you have invested in our children individually. When you could have been pursuing your own hobbies and interests, you have been pursuing our kiddos' hearts. Your wise and loving guidance is molding them into adults who will be able to humbly face the remarkable challenges of their world while being a blessing. On those days when work is hard, remember the impact you are making at home. I love you so! I wouldn't want to walk this narrow road with anyone but you.
Foreverly,
Denise

Pre-Marriage Thoughts for Lissie

Mrs. Beaver:

Following the news that Eric and Lissie are engaged, I thought I'd share some photos of them taken when they shared two weeks together at our home in early January. I'm going to alternate the photos with some quotes regarding the role of the wife in making the marriage a lifetime success--and, hence, a glory to God. These are ways in which I pray Lissie will bless Eric throughout their years together. (The quotes are by Kim Brenneman from her book Large Family Logistics.)

"The heart of her husband trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain." (Proverbs 31:11)

"In Hebrew, "no lack of gain" literally translates to "prey, plunder, and spoil." The Excellent Wife is prudent and careful in the management of the home and its expenses. She increases her husband's prosperity. She is so proficient that her husband is at peace and able to focus on his own workload. A wise woman takes care of those things in her charge which not only glorifies her heavenly Father, but blesses her husband." (pg. 24)

"She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:12)

"Jesus'went about doing good' (Acts 10:38). With Jesus as our example, a wife should try to understand her husband so that she can learn how to do him good. She should study him and learn his likes, dislikes, gifts, faults, so that she can understand how to be an effective complement to him." (pg. 25)

Lissie, I echo what Kim Brenneman has to say to her readers:

"Hear your husband's dreams and help him to reach his goals. Listen to his suggestions, and be attentive to his needs when planning your day and organizing your long-term domestic goals, whether you are shopping, taking care of your children, or pursuing a remodeling project. Make sure your priorities reflect his." (pg. 25)

 "Our men work so hard for us. They are sweating and striving against thorns and thistles. We should seek to be a jewel and a crown for our husband and to make our home a castle and fill it with comfort for him." (pg. 25)

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones." 

(Proverbs 12:4)

"Becoming a crown to our husband in not something that comes automatically. It takes diligent focus and effort...That is a strange concept in our culture which equates love with romance and lust. Biblically speaking, love is a choice and commitment. It is seeing your husband as God sees him and loving him as God loves you. It is a deeper and richer love than worldly love. I would encourage you to learn more of God's love and how we are to love, as He does." (pg.25)

Lissie, my beloved daughter, most of these quotes imply denying self, putting your own priorities to the side and working at making the relationship a happy one. With nearly 30 years of experience as a wife, I would tell you "Follow these words of wisdom and you'll have something even better than happiness--you'll have joy as you walk the path of life together."
With love, Mumsie

Even 6,300 Miles Couldn't Stop This!

In Central Asia

In the Boston area  

Eric and Lissie entered their courtship to try to determine if it was the Lord's will for the two of them to marry. After hundreds of hours of communication, Eric had his conclusion. He secured the permission of Lissie's dad and popped the question via a Skype call early this week. She didn't even breath before responding, "YES!!!"

Lissie will return to the America in early summer. It looks like our two families will celebrate their wedding this fall. 

Wedding Vows Kept

Mr. Beaver has given me flowers many times since we stood at the altar. In fact, when we were first married and he was serving on a submarine in the U.S. Navy, he would arrange ahead of time for flowers to be delivered while he was out to sea. Now at nearly three decades into our union he finds several reasons each year to grace my "office" (read home) with floral reminders of his love. I have, of course, treasured being romanced in this way.

Last night, however, he brought home what has to be the most beautiful bouquet I've ever received from him. The beauty of these flowers doesn't come from them being my favorite type of flower, although I love roses. They're not even my favorite color. They won't stand out for their longevity, already today they were beginning to fade. Instead, the beauty of these blossoms is in what they represent.

Yesterday was another hard day on my road to recovery following surgery. I was weaker than I have been in some time and at times nearly overwhelmed by pain. I was curled up in bed when Mr. Beaver tenderly presented a dozen cream-colored roses to me following a run he made to the grocery story with all the kids in tow after a long day at work. They immediately spoke volumes, vividly reminding me that my man is fulfilling the vows he made on our wedding day. Oh, we took our vows seriously as we clasped hands and stared into each other's eyes on a cold December night nearly 29 years ago. But in all honesty, saying the words and living them are two different animals. When we promised that we would stick with each other "in sickness and in health," we were both strong, resilient 22-year-olds. Long-term illness was something that happened to other people. When we got sick, we bounced back quickly.

However, the past year has to have tested the strength of Mr. Beaver's commitment to the promise to remain at my side no matter what the circumstances. After I made a slow descent into a pit of unrelenting abdominal pain, we agreed to major surgery. Within a couple of weeks following surgery I was able to say that I was better than before the procedure. However, I've yet to arrive at full healing. I just haven't been able to be the same wife to him. In addition, these long months have required my husband to take on so many of my roles in the maintenance of our family and home. (In fact, he is out right now with all the kids again buying winter clothing for our growing brood.) He has cheerfully and willingly taken on the additional responsibilities, never even whispering a word of complaint.

You can see now the reason that the cream-colored roses touched my heart deeply. They represent tried and tested love. They represent faithfulness. They represent the sweet aroma of Christ's sacrifical love for His church. They signify wedding vows kept, by His grace and for His glory.

I love you, Mr. Beaver!

*************************

 

Today has been a better day. I've felt stronger and faced far less pain. We don't yet understand the ups and downs, although the opportunity to see two physicians at Mayo Clinic a couple of weeks ago shone some light on the situation. Mr. Beaver and I will drive back to Rochester, MN, on Thursday (October 18) for two GI tests on Friday. With true Mayo flare, the results will apparently be back by the end of the day, and we'll meet with the GI specialist at 5 pm to hear his plan for treatment. Your prayers would, of course, be a real blessing to our family.

In-Laws

Mrs. Beaver:

Anna and Aaron's first anniversary is just around the corner in mid-March. Their love story was recently featured on Scribbles n'Things.

Before this year passes, I want to thank God for one of the great blessings in our daughter's new life in Ohio--her in-laws. The Nix are a Christ-loving family. They've welcomed our Anna warmly. They've included Anna in their close-knit unit. Anna and Aaron go to their home once a week for dinner and a game or movie. Ric and Tina model what strong marriage looks like before the newlyweds; Aaron's parents bring the stability of having been married for more than 31 years.

Here they are at the wedding rehearsal.

All photo credits to Therese Miller and Lauren LaPlante Photography

This is one of my favoirte photos from the wedding. What a joy for the mother-of-the-bride to see her daughter's soon-to-be mother-in-law beam at her just before the ceremony!

Lighting the "unity candle" was completely sincere in this ceremony. The four parents were unified in their belief that the Lord was creating a beautiful, one-flesh, till-death-do-we-part marriage.

Toward the end of the ceremony, the four parents rose from the pews to pray over our children's union. This idea came from our friends Krista and George. George grew up in Nigeria, where a prayer by the parents is a traditional part of the ceremony.

Ric's tenderness in hugging his new daughter-in-law immediately after the ceremony was beautiful.

Unbeknownst to Tina and Aaron, I was watching their interactions during our time together. I knew from my own experience that if a man treats his mom well, there is a good chance he'll also love and honor his wife.

The affection and gentleness I saw in Aaron when he and his mom had a few moments "alone", reassured me that Anna would be cherished by him. In the past year, our new son-in-love has certainly lived up to my unscientific predictions.

Mr. Beaver and I approach Anna and Aaron's first anniversary deeply grateful to God for Aaron's parents, Ric and Tina. They've offered ongoing support to these two young marrieds. Just last night, Ric and Tina picked up Aaron and Anna following an auto accident as their car was towed. Anna's in-laws are a dream come true! And, soon, we'll share the role of grandparents with these dear people! God is good!