Love Lessons

Mrs. Beaver:

We're approaching the 11th anniversary of our adoption of Russian siblings Jaynie, Cassandra and Mark. Each year as we reach mid summer, memories of the time surrounding the addition of the three of them crowd out other thoughts. Not only do recollections resurface, but this time of year inevitably brings reflection. This year our rumination has revolved around what we have learned about loving others.

Interestingly, God has used His more-recent placement of Daria and Alexander in our family as a grace-filled teaching tool for both of us. Daria and Alexander were older than any of the children we'd preciously added through adoption. When we adopted them in late 2010, Daria was nearly 16, and Alexander was going on 12. We knew enough about both adoption and parenting teens to understand that if we lost their hearts initially, we'd most likely never win them back. Unlike the children we'd parented from infancy, they had no long history with us to look back on to remember that we could be trusted. So, we were gentler, more patient, more long-suffering, more understanding, more forgiving, and better listeners. The result? Daria and Alexander have willingly poured their hearts into our hands, demonstrating confidence in our trustworthiness.

As a parent of kiddos in their early twenties, my pride wishes that I didn't have to admit its taken us this long to "get" a clearer picture of how we're to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1,2) as we parent. But that very pride has been a problem all along. It's pride that drives the thought, "I deserve better." And any focus on "me" or "my rights" gets in the way of sacrificial love. Period.

So, in a nutshell, here's a glimpse of where the Lord is taking us:

• No stingy grace!
• No miserly forgiveness!
• No *scrimpy love!

Our affection must be unselfish, ungrudging, unfaltering. After all, love never fails. Our kindhearted, giving God has sacrificially lavished grace, forgiveness and love on us. We must do no less! (I Cor. 13:8; Psalm 86:5; John 3:16; Eph. 1:3-8)

With brokenness over how we've parented in the past, the two of us are fervently studying our Bibles and working to write His word on our hearts as we cry out for the Spirit to change us. Not only do we want to do a better job of parenting all our current children, the Lord still has one more set of siblings for us to love on. The Lord has been perfectly patient with these two sinners. He is so good!

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*Scrimpy: (Yes--this really is a word!) It means scanty, meager; barely adequate.

Was that Post Right?

Mrs. Beaver:

Two years ago we were immersed in our last adoption. In September of 2010, Mr. Beaver and I wrote a post about our reasons for being willing to adopt a teen.

At the time our words were really just a statement of faith in God's trustworthiness. We hadn't experienced that about which we wrote. Now, however, we're 1-1/2 years into parenting a girl adopted just four months before she turned 16. Now, we can unabashedly say that we were right in what we wrote. It is truly do-able to add a teenager through adoption. There's a special magic about it, in fact. A orphaned teen has suffered for years. As a result, when ensconced in a the safety of a family, a teenager who is a former orphan really "gets" the blessing of being set free from orphanage life and loved by parents and siblings. Daria overflows with gratitude to us for making her part of our family. She is deeply and openly affectionate. She tells us many times a day that she loves us. She loves to kiss and hug and cuddle.

The challenges of adopting a teen are real, but the rewards are..well...so rewarding. Daria has brought fun, creativity, and humor into our home. We daily thank God that He challenged us to step beyond what was comfortable (adopting children ages 3 to 11) and trust Him by adding a much older child.

For her 17th we surprised our horse-loving birthday girl with four horseback riding lessons.

Her are some photos from her last lesson:

Daria learned how to sit on "Pinches" while Pinches sits

Both Daria and Pinches were willing to smile for the camera!

Daria and Pinches balanced on a small red platform. The horse trainer standing nearby insisted that Pinches pull her ears forward for the final touch.

Here Pinches and Daria are causing a teeter-tauter to flop forward and back just by a slight movement of one of Pinches' front legs at Daria's signal

Not surprisingly, Daria fell in love with this cooperative, amiable horse that has trained about 2,000  beginning riders in her 15 years.

Also, not surprisingly, Daria's parent's were deeply gratified to see their daughter so happy, as a simple birthday gift fulfilled a life-long-dream! God is good and does good!

It Must be a Sign...

Joe:

I looked at the book sitting there on the table. My emotions were surging powerfully, so I knew something strange was going on. Of all the books my sister could have left out on the table, it happened to be this one, so it must be a sign that I was meant to read it. I prayed, “God, if you really want me to read this book, please let the author's first name be Kevin.” I opened my eyes, and wow, there on the cover: "Kevin"! After steadying myself, I still wasn’t quite sure, so I flipped open my Bible (which also happened to be lying on the table), and opened it at random to seek God’s will in the matter. I came upon this verse: “He read from it before the square which was in front of the Water Gate from early morning until midday…” (Nehemiah 8:3) I was so excited about this special guidance from the Lord that He wanted me to read the book on the table!

Just kidding.

Actually, when I had the inkling to read Kevin DeYoung’s book Just Do Something, I just picked it up and read it. I found it to be very convicting and helpful. DeYoung points out that the methods for finding God’s will, and even our collective understanding of what God’s will is, have begun to veer off course. He suggests that when Christians (like me!) worry about “finding God’s perfect plan” for their lives, they tend to struggle with making decisions and often end up doing nothing. DeYoung builds a Biblical case in his book for the idea that God is less concerned about what path we take in a nonethical decision such as choosing a career than He is about how we walk in that path. God does want us to seek wisdom, but this consists more in soaking up His ways from the Bible than expecting God to give us special revelation in a situation. DeYoung uses Scripture to demonstrate that God wants us to make a common-sense decision about a career, spouse, move, and other issues and then simply live according to His ways in that situation. He includes impressive descriptions of how his grandfathers did hard, big things for the glory of God because they went out and did something instead of seeking mystical direction from God.

Although I’d love to go on and on about this wonderful book, and I’d especially like to answer some of the questions I’ve sparked in your minds, I can’t. This is a blog post, not a doctoral dissertation. However, there is a way to solve your curiosity. And no, it isn’t to ask for a sign from Heaven.

Just do something.

Go buy the book and read it!