Kirsten and Matthew's Graduation and Future Plans

This weekend we celebrated the high school graduations of Kirsten and Matthew. Both of these kiddos are among the nine we've adopted from Russia. Both have been home schooled since the day we brought them home.

We adopted Kirsten Nadezhda in November 2010. She has no biological siblings, although now she has a houseful of siblings though adoption!

Kirsten is the only one of our nine Russian adoptees to have started high school in Russia and finished in America, and she didn't speak any English when she arrived. What an accomplishment! We're very proud of her!

Kirsten has had a lifelong passion for horses since living with her grandmother on a small farm in rural Russia as a little girl.

Kirsten's dream now that she's completed high school is to become a horse trainer. She hasn't yet settled on which school would be the best fit for her. As she continues her research, the Lord has provided a wonderful opportunity. Kirsten will be working for about two months this summer at a Christian Guest Ranch that is also a full time cattle spread with over 35,000 acres in western Nebraska. Most of her duties will include caring for the guests who come from around the world to ride in this "old west" setting.

Photo Credit ~ Faith Reynolds

Matthew Vladislav's adoptive story is nearly the opposite of Kirsten's. He was adopted at age five way back in 2001. He was the youngest of a trio of siblings. Zhenya and Sarah are his biological siblings. They were eight and seven, respectively.

When we began educating Matthew, we were scared! He was so far behind on what we thought every five-year-old should know. The most basic concepts eluded our new little boy. We wrestled with hopelessness and projected the worst in our minds. Math was by far his weakest subject.

That was Matt then. What a work the Lord has done in this young man! Matt is now a strong academic who loves to learn. Mathematics is now his strongest subject.

Matthew plays the piano but is an accomplished guitarist. He's also a vocalist and a song writer. He just plain loves to make music!

Despite his love of music, the yearning of Matt's heart will take him in a far different direction than the music field. Since he was a little boy, Matthew has dreamed of being a U.S. Marine Officer. Like Kirsten and her plans, we're not completely certain what the immediate path to the goal should be. We'll use this next year to solidify his plans. In the meantime, Matt would like to spend at least a couple of months on the missions field overseas. We figure this will be great preparation for the rigors of military life.

When the world thinks of older orphans, they often conceptualize lost causes. Now that four of our older Russian adoptees have graduated from high school, we would like to debunk that myth. Our kiddos have met their academic requirements, and they overflow with so many giftings that a career choice for each of them is difficult. God is so good. He does heal!

Sandwiched!

Late this morning, I sat in our 15-passenger-van surrounded by most of our twelve children in the parking lot of a memory-care facility in Lawrence, Kansas. Mr. Beaver and a couple of the kids were taking Grandma back to her apartment following a breakfast at a restaurant. While we waited, a news story on the radio rang true while leaving me bemused at its ironic timing.

The newscaster said that some are renaming the "Baby-Boomer" generation. Apparently, Baby-Boomers are now being dubbed, "The Sandwich Generation". This is because so many of us are involved in the care of what the story called "veteran" parents, while still parenting children of their own. In some cases those in the "Sandwich Generation" are also now grandparents themselves. Mr. Beaver and I are among those who fall in this camp.

The newscaster implied that a real stretching takes place for those seeking to meet the needs of generations on both sides of their own. Even with just the short taste we've had of being involved in Grandma's care since the death of her beloved sister and caregiver in January, we'd have to agree that it is easy to feel like a rubber band as you're pulled in opposing directions by the needs of those, both older and younger, whom you love and want to serve.

The news story failed to mention any help for those sandwiched by the very real needs of their parents and their children. But as I listened, my mind was recalling words from the Bible that were enough to encourage me. First, I know Jesus wants Mr. Beaver and I to spend our lives in service of others. Our leisure wasn't what our Savior listed as His top priority for our lives in this season. While Jesus was walking the earth, He told His followers, "Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve." (Mark 10:45 NASB) His life was about service to others, and we're to follow in His footsteps.

Second, God provides just what is needed to live selflessly: grace. While the context of this next verse was a gift of money the church in one city had promised those struggling in another location, I believe the principle behind the passage also applies to our use of time:

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." (2 Corinthians 9:7,8)

Did you see how many versions of the word "all" are captured in God's promise to His people when they set out to serve others? Grace, grace and more grace. The very power of God will be at work in us as we do His Kingdom work here on earth in His stead. Wow! All we have to do is cry out for help and He'll enable. I find that so reassuring.

Finally, the news story I heard just after breakfast never mentioned the reward of being sandwiched. I believe you can see it in the picture above. Mr. Beaver and I are well aware that we're blessed to watch as something fleeting-but-oh-so precious is taking place--the tender affection of grandparents and grandchildren who've had years to build deep relationships. Our kiddos adore their grandparents, and that feeling is more than mutual. What a privilege to witness the depth of this love! The happiness Grandma exhibits when surrounded by her grandchildren makes the tiring road trips we're trying to make monthly worth the weekends they take. The sense of belonging and rooted-ness that Grandma's love gives our children will keep us heading south to Kansas over and over. We're weary around the edges, it's true, but the reward of witnessing mutual multi-generational devotion goes a long way to energize.

So we have Jesus' command to love through service, His promise of grace to make this possible and His kind reward in watching a bit of heaven on earth in the form of a grandparent-grandchild love exchange. Perhaps its not so bad being sandwiched after all.

Love Lessons

Mrs. Beaver:

We're approaching the 11th anniversary of our adoption of Russian siblings Jaynie, Cassandra and Mark. Each year as we reach mid summer, memories of the time surrounding the addition of the three of them crowd out other thoughts. Not only do recollections resurface, but this time of year inevitably brings reflection. This year our rumination has revolved around what we have learned about loving others.

Interestingly, God has used His more-recent placement of Daria and Alexander in our family as a grace-filled teaching tool for both of us. Daria and Alexander were older than any of the children we'd preciously added through adoption. When we adopted them in late 2010, Daria was nearly 16, and Alexander was going on 12. We knew enough about both adoption and parenting teens to understand that if we lost their hearts initially, we'd most likely never win them back. Unlike the children we'd parented from infancy, they had no long history with us to look back on to remember that we could be trusted. So, we were gentler, more patient, more long-suffering, more understanding, more forgiving, and better listeners. The result? Daria and Alexander have willingly poured their hearts into our hands, demonstrating confidence in our trustworthiness.

As a parent of kiddos in their early twenties, my pride wishes that I didn't have to admit its taken us this long to "get" a clearer picture of how we're to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1,2) as we parent. But that very pride has been a problem all along. It's pride that drives the thought, "I deserve better." And any focus on "me" or "my rights" gets in the way of sacrificial love. Period.

So, in a nutshell, here's a glimpse of where the Lord is taking us:

• No stingy grace!
• No miserly forgiveness!
• No *scrimpy love!

Our affection must be unselfish, ungrudging, unfaltering. After all, love never fails. Our kindhearted, giving God has sacrificially lavished grace, forgiveness and love on us. We must do no less! (I Cor. 13:8; Psalm 86:5; John 3:16; Eph. 1:3-8)

With brokenness over how we've parented in the past, the two of us are fervently studying our Bibles and working to write His word on our hearts as we cry out for the Spirit to change us. Not only do we want to do a better job of parenting all our current children, the Lord still has one more set of siblings for us to love on. The Lord has been perfectly patient with these two sinners. He is so good!

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*Scrimpy: (Yes--this really is a word!) It means scanty, meager; barely adequate.

Perfectly Suited

After church on Easter, the family's four men, who only don suits for Resurrection Sunday and sibling's weddings, were hamming it up a bit for the camera.

North Shore Afternoon: Mark

Mrs. Beaver:

As I've mentioned before, our family was able to spend Thanksgiving week in Minnesota. The weather was blessedly warm for that time of the year along the shore of Lake Superior. On one of the afternoons most of the kids wandered out to explore the shoreline.

With our camera, I tried to catch a bit of personality. Last time I shared a glimpse of Lissie's thoughtful spirit. Here I'd like to share Mark's adventurous personality. He's a curious soul who enjoys investigating his surroundings. I think that's all I need to say; these photos speak for themselves. As the saying goes, our second son is all boy.

When we first met five-year-old Mark at his orphange in Russia, his risk taking scared us. He was unusually small for his age but would climb to the the height of the rusted frames that served as the children's playground equipment. He would then catch our eye, grin and dismount by doing some daring feat like a front flip. These nervous prospective parents were just certain he would break a bone before we could get him home!

Mark and Cassandra on their orphanage grounds, September 2001

As a naturally timid person, I've come to appreciate Mark's willingness to learn by trying. He has matured in his risk taking; now I rarely worry that he's putting himself in danger. I suspect that as Mark grows into manhood we'll get to watch the Lord make use of the trait He Himself built into this former orphan. He has a plan for our son -- Mark is a marvel, fearfully and wonderfully made by our great God (Psalm 139)!

Mark's Birthday

After we adopted Jaynie, Cassandra and Mark in September 2001, Mark was the first in the trio to celebrate a birthday. On November 28, he turned six... an amazingly cute six! He had never had a birthday celebration before. Nor had anyone showered him with gifts before. So when we brought him birthday gifts he tore into them with a gusto that made us both joyful and sad. Joyful because we had been able to give him a special celebration... sad because no one had ever done so before!

Orphans are often neglected in horrific ways. But even the mundane neglect they face is tragic. Simple things we take for granted with our biological children are often completely missed in the life of orphans. Besides missing birthday and Christmas celebrations, they often have no knowledge of the family history, medical conditions, traditions etc. And one of the saddest things we've noticed is their lack of baby pictures. We've had more than one tearful encounter with a former orphan who said, "I wish I knew what I looked like as a baby."

Mark's sixth birthday celebration was an occasion full of "photo ops"...his beautiful blue eyes shone as his new family introduced him to the birthday traditions of gift giving and birthday cake.

Mark, newly adopted, turns six

Today, ten years later, we celebrated his 16th birthday. Now Mark is growing into a fine young man, growing like a weed, and growing out of 'little boy' things.

Mark at 16

Mark,

We love you. We pray for you multiple times each day. We're so glad that God has let us be your parents. We look forward to watching you grow into the young man the Lord has made you to be.

Love,

Mom and Dad