Five Things I've Learned from My Husband

Mrs. Beaver:

Tomorrow is our 28th wedding anniversary. I can't think of a better way to celebrate God's incredible goodness to me than by sharing some of the ways He hs used Mr. Beaver to impact my life:

1. Never go to bed angry. This idea didn't originate with Mr. Beaver, of course. God records this relationship-saving wisdom in the Bible, "...do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity" (Ephesians 4:26,27). When we began marriage nearly three decades ago, Jim insisted we live according to this principle. This has made for some late, late nights, getting very few zzzzs. However, the effort has been worth every nearly-sleepless night as it has kept our union free from the growth of bitterness.

2. Never go to bed without relationship reconciliation. This may sound redundant, but it goes a step beyond Point 1. We can tell ourselves we're free of anger and still not be free of our agenda. No matter the depth of disagreement, my husband insists we stay awake until sweetness returns. He requires us to live, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32). Jim's leadership on this point has kept our relationship with each other amiable and gracious. He demands the same standard in our relationships with all 13 children (10 by adoption, two by birth, one by marriage).

3. Never part from a loved one without relationship reconciliation. Again, this may sound redundant. The focus of this Point 3, however, is not saying good-night but saying good-bye. Jim's father died in a plane crash when he was just seven. His mom has spent decades grateful to the Lord that the two of them had this "rule." When my mother-in-law became a widow, she had no regrets. Their relationship was free of fresh bruises and free of unhealed harm from old battles. Jim has insisted that everyone in our family love each other in this same way. Even if we're running out the door late, we must stop and set any damaged relationship right. (See Matthew 5:23,24)

4. The way to a person's heart is through service. I've learned the value of meeting the needs of others by being the object of Mr. Beaver's ongoing selflessness. For as long as I can remember, my husband has walked in from work uttering the same four words to me, "How can I help?" His willingness to put my needs and those of his children before his own desires, even when he's exhausted, has refreshed me nightly and left our kids in awe of their daddy. They "get" what a sacrifice their father's offer is, and they're able to recognize Christ at work in him. The influence his service has had on their hearts has made me to want work harder at honoring Jesus' words: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..." (Mark 10:45) Mr. Beaver imitates His Saviour beautifully, day in and day out.

5. God's word is worth knowing. On my first birthday after we married, Mr. Beaver gave me a study Bible. My thought was a disgruntled, "Great...what kind of gift is this?" Obviously I didn't understand the value of God's word. However, I've had 28 years to watch as my man has read the Book, studied the Book, memorized the Book, shared the Book with our children in the evenings, and taught the Book at church. I've watched the Book change him. He's grown more tender, humble, gentle, patient, thankful, and compassionate. The more time Mr. Beaver spends in the Bible, the more he prizes God and becomes like God's Son. The Bible says, "...like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word". With the many other ways Mr. Beaver could spend his time (he loves to golf and has his private pilot's license), he invests it in knowing God through His word and it shows! Unlike 28 years ago, I now understand the value of knowing God's word and try to follow Mr. Beaver's example in impressing it on my heart (Deuteronomy 11:18)!

I love my husband deeply. I thank God for Mr. Beaver, and for all Mr. Beaver has taught me since we stood at the alter. This list barely scratches the surface. Daily, I watch him. I learn from him. I glean more and more wisdom from him. I hope and pray the Lord will allow me many more years to follow him as he follows God.

Remember... the Hard Road Also Lies Behind...

As we prepare our children to go serve in whatever capacity the Lord has in mind for them, we prepare them for a hard road ahead. We take special care to sharpen the arrows He has placed in our quiver, honing and straightening them to whatever degree we can so that they will fly straight and true... sharpening them so that they will make an impact when they hit the target He has set before them. But the road ahead of them is hard in many ways. They will hit bumps along the way and potholes that risk mis-aligning them to the course He has set before them (sorry for the mixed analogies... it's the best I can do with jet lag).

Such is the stuff this week is made of for Jaynie and Mrs. Beaver and me. We must pray Jaynie through the challenging road that lies ahead. It is only now that she will fully realize her need for the only One who can actually meet her needs, as she comes out from under our direct protection. And that transition is hard. She will need much prayer and encouragement to fight the fight of faith that lies ahead.

But let us not lose sight of the hard road that lies behind as well. There too, much prayer and encouragement is needed... and much faith.

What do I mean by this? I mean that those who 'send' also need much support, not just those who go.

Parenting is hard. Single-parenting is unimagineably hard (bless those who have no choice in the matter - we must pray even more for you!) This week, Mrs. Beaver is single-parenting 8 beautiful blessings who are still at home. And that's a blessing, but it's also very, very, very hard.

Mrs. Beaver and I have often joked that we had to switch to zone defense once we were 'out-numbered'. But in reality, parents can never play zone defense. Each child has real needs... and they're not timed in sequence to be manageable by one parent. They can't just be 'contained' which is what zone defense is all about. In fact, there is a far better analogy than zone defense... single-parenting actually looks a lot more like 'whack-a-mole', the carnival game.

Just in case you've never played it, let me describe. In whack-a-mole, mechanical moles stick their heads up above the surface of the game board, and it's the job of the game player to 'whack' them on the head as they come up in various places all over the game surface. The goal is to see every mole and whack it on the head before it goes back down below the game surface. It's pretty easy at first as the game starts slowly, with one mole at a time sticking it's head up in slow progression. But as the game moves on, the pace of the moles increases and increases and increases until it seems several moles are sticking their heads up all at once. The game player at this point is working furiously to first identify and then 'whack' each mole as it sticks it's head up. The game player has almost no chance of seeing everything in time, reacting appropriately and keeping up.

Single-parenting feels a lot like that. And with that situation, comes the need for much prayer, encouragement and faith.

Not only does it feel like you're hopelessly unable to meet all the needs of your children. It can even push you to trying meeting those needs much like the game player... by frantically 'whacking' down each need as it arises just to keep up.

Instead, parents need the wisdom to understand that they cannot meet all the needs on their own - they need their Savior and Lord to stand in the gap for them, providing wisdom, patience and grace to meet the needs of their little moles. They need miraculous intervention to slow the 'pace of the game' so they can slow down and process each one of those very real needs with each of their little moles. And they need the faith to rest and hope in Him, not in the overwhelming circumstances. They need to remember that Jesus NEVER plays whack-a-mole with our needs.

And sending out a sibling is hard too! It's a huge adjustment to send someone you love away for an extended time, especially when they're your friend. This is a hard time, too, for our children. And they don't have any say in the matter. Instead, they feel the loss, and feel no sense of control over the situation. What they need most now is a Savior to come alongside them and remind them that they can be forever connected with their sibling, even across time and miles, by His Spirit.

May I ask for the blessing of your prayers that:

• Mrs. Beaver would have the faith and the wisdom to lean not on her own understanding, but instead to trust in Him with all her heart, and to lead our children in a way that shows them Christ in every circumstance as the strong, kind, wise Lord that He is.
• Mrs. Beaver would have the strength and endurance to single-parent 8 little moles for over a week.
• Mrs. Beaver would have Jesus' vision to really see the needs of her little moles as they arise, and the wisdom to stop and process those needs one-by-one, with the compassion of Jesus, even when they seem to be coming in torrents.
• All 8 of our 'little moles', and especially the oldest ones, would see the need to focus not on their own needs, but to help Mrs. Beaver meet the many needs coming at her.
• That our family would be blessed by a unity of the spirit that is beyond our comprehension.
• Above all, please pray that in my home, selfishness would be slayed and all would be kind toward one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as Christ also has forgiven us.

Thank you for your prayers and support!